tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44889880788394511002024-02-02T00:47:22.217-05:00The Other 98¢you have your 2¢...but I have the other 98¢KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-57583497001676245582014-12-23T15:13:00.003-05:002014-12-23T15:22:14.301-05:00The 12 GAYS of ChristmasWell, the first gay on Christmas absolutely had to show me<br />
A homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Then the second gay on Christmas proudly showed to me<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
The third gay on Christmas then needed to show to me<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Then the fourth gay on Christmas actually showed to me<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Of course the fifth gay on Christmas embarrassingly exposed to me<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Then the sixth gay on Christmas wanted to show to me<br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Naturally, the seventh gay on Christmas had to show to me<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Then the eighth gay on Christmas actually added these<br />
8 dykes a man-hating<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
The ninth gay on Christmas surprisingly had more to show to me<br />
9 transgenders changing <br />
8 dykes a man-hating<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Unbelievably, the tenth gay on Christmas had to expose to me<br />
10 gay bars a-hopping <br />
9 transgenders changing <br />
8 dykes a man-hating<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
Then the eleventh gay on Christmas erotically showed to me<br />
11 penises bouncing <br />
10 gay bars a-hopping <br />
9 transgenders changing <br />
8 dykes a man-hating<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
FINALLY, the twelfth gay on Christmas bared it all to me<br />
12 hummers humming<br />
11 penises bouncing <br />
10 gay bars a-hopping <br />
9 transgenders changing <br />
8 dykes a man-hating<br />
7 twinks a-baring <br />
6 queens a-dragging<br />
5 COCK RINGS<br />
4 glorious rainbows<br />
3 French queers<br />
2 bisexual twins<br />
And a homo in a speedo.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-87261997069560989962013-10-16T10:20:00.001-04:002013-10-16T11:38:33.379-04:00We Must Be The Change We Wish To See<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights...</i></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">—Article 1 of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights<i> </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-tOicfKXqgI44pO2m2UpyHNBXioHG-4xqmpRY0NDC0bhZNFpP_bCjIHE35G4Rmswm6Vy7-bmncfyNktqZuteIDiWxU5PsK-DGchRq_aiE4xmBRtxhBnuzKbgI6Af2ZDbEt1rwkFvytw1D/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-tOicfKXqgI44pO2m2UpyHNBXioHG-4xqmpRY0NDC0bhZNFpP_bCjIHE35G4Rmswm6Vy7-bmncfyNktqZuteIDiWxU5PsK-DGchRq_aiE4xmBRtxhBnuzKbgI6Af2ZDbEt1rwkFvytw1D/s200/2.jpg" width="138" /></a></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and
inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation
of freedom, justice and peace in the world</i>...</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">—1st sentence of the Preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Human Rights are commonly understood as inalienable fundamental RIGHTS to which a person is inherently entitled simply because she or he is a human being. The definition is simple. We have rights because we are human. But why are we not equal, in 2013? Why do we STILL have to fight for our human rights that we were born with?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I know people in all parts of the world of all races, colors, religions have to fight for their rights, but the rights I fight for are gay rights. I am a gay woman, who everyday, has to fight for my simple human rights. I am a good person. I have a full time job. I have a partner of 7 years. I do not have a criminal record. So why am I being treated like one? Why am I being robbed of my rights? Am I not human? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSWpI_yyCbDu3MnvXWmRsvOrYRkudyDM1UtnhvuwXzcv8VCZMpEWaQMFUj6TCmYAnWyi7q3BMomb6sY0IriETrb4JXgpLbKFjMTwDGr_eJEFQYMe8MAO3ZYX_2TWQMl6daBagmjsyRKEVo/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSWpI_yyCbDu3MnvXWmRsvOrYRkudyDM1UtnhvuwXzcv8VCZMpEWaQMFUj6TCmYAnWyi7q3BMomb6sY0IriETrb4JXgpLbKFjMTwDGr_eJEFQYMe8MAO3ZYX_2TWQMl6daBagmjsyRKEVo/s200/3.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We have to fight because people are scared of what they don't know. Things that are foreign to them. Things to which they are ignorant. But ignorance breeds fear, and fear can breed hate, and hate can rip people of their fundamental rights. In 2013, there's no reason we should be acting uncivilized. Everyone is different. Everyone has different beliefs. But everyone is human and if one human can have rights, so can the other, regardless. There's no excuse for prohibiting human rights of any kind.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We have made great strides in the United States in the Human Rights movement, and as of late, particularly the Gay Pride movement. It's crazy that we need a "movement" for anything human rights related, but here we are. People just get scared and think homosexuality is disgusting because it's "sex" related. But is it? Is being gay really all about sex? The answer is NO. <span style="font-size: 12pt;">Can you imagine if straight people
were forced to come out and admit their sexual preferences? Oh, the guy sitting
behind you on the bus likes to wear a strap on and give it to his wife in the
butt. Or, the waitress at the restaurant where you’re enjoying lunch likes to
blow her husband while he takes a shit (that's called a Blumpkin, btw). Or how about your college professor who
likes to hire prostitutes to beat him with a whip and then pee on him? Since when did someone's sex life or sexual preferences become a legal issue? </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwaBh83hOgtmp4qeoEQ8l1Jv9QMYbkfhsZ-rUSrwjPBTKhL-oYdv0lmp_QHwi_0OC1wvalsQEZTgcK9A5N9ppMG46_yiAN6NJx8AMu_vi9Xk_3tRMwl0ZqrntY7vEpAaavPPE3NVCey41/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwaBh83hOgtmp4qeoEQ8l1Jv9QMYbkfhsZ-rUSrwjPBTKhL-oYdv0lmp_QHwi_0OC1wvalsQEZTgcK9A5N9ppMG46_yiAN6NJx8AMu_vi9Xk_3tRMwl0ZqrntY7vEpAaavPPE3NVCey41/s400/3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">What we humans do, as long as we're not hurting anyone or committing crimes, is none of anyone's business. It's time we as civilized nations and societies finally move past the argument of human rights. We all deserve them no matter what. MLK Jr. once said a right delayed is a right denied. So many people in this world are being denied their simple human rights, and it's shameful. We as a world should be ashamed of ourselves for continuing this barbaric, uncivilized, ignorant way of treating people. In the thousands and thousands of years humans have been on the planet, surely we could have figured this out by now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">But since we haven't, we will continue to fight. I, as a gay woman, will continue to fight for my rights. I just hope everyone else out there will continue fighting for their own rights, and the rights of others. It's the right thing to do. It's not difficult to respect others. Others are nothing to fear. Differences are something to be applauded, not judged. We all deserve to be here. We have all earned our spot here on this planet. And we were all born with rights. It's time to recognize our peers as equal, no matter what.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Nothing changes immediately; but immediately, you can make change. Small acts of kindness go a long way. Smile to someone who looks different than you. Open your mind to another culture. Support someone whose sexual preference differs from yours. Change will not occur until we recognize every human being is equal. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It starts with us. We humans are in control of change. It's time that humans respect ALL humans and their rights. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98SNp77D2UBfKm9RA1Hb-LIIGlWDj_oI65VauNaojmHoq1oBaaCyOf2KVh3NC5w9Aix5cJoGTQ_y65ygQjqh623fHUuJtsbX0Il-bfKznS0e-8_5GnRrxLubxPvIDuauO_Xk-t0kM0o2J/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh98SNp77D2UBfKm9RA1Hb-LIIGlWDj_oI65VauNaojmHoq1oBaaCyOf2KVh3NC5w9Aix5cJoGTQ_y65ygQjqh623fHUuJtsbX0Il-bfKznS0e-8_5GnRrxLubxPvIDuauO_Xk-t0kM0o2J/s400/5.jpg" width="333" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">True that, Gandhi. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-58922578510608639492013-05-15T14:32:00.002-04:002013-05-15T14:38:37.140-04:00Awkward Facebook Moments Vol. 1Let's face it. We all have them. Sometimes you give TMI. Sometimes you offend someone. And most times, you don't use correct grammar. I mean, I always do, but you don't.<br />
<br />
But there are more awkward Facebook moments than that.<br />
<br />
Take for example Facebook birthday announcements. The opportunity to wish someone a happy birthday, someone on your friends list that you literally NEVER communicate with but are just too nosy to defriend? Do you wish them a happy birthday, even though that's the only thing you will say <br />
to them yearly? Considering you didn't say anything when their cat died, their car was stolen, or they lost their job. You don't say anything about that but you're the mother fucker who wishes them a happy birthday? <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMK_0Fm_B4oP4B-ajf4nxsN6_Y_ASsMlqAbrqOwTJMDtJuuzYPMqxstA_pggNYrD99-GD4YFZ6wFFj-ZRY_2UHgDHp2wLLw6nRBLY3HV9z0CPvvL7tmOrDfWGk0AbJO3TUPPggO0-48WEw/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMK_0Fm_B4oP4B-ajf4nxsN6_Y_ASsMlqAbrqOwTJMDtJuuzYPMqxstA_pggNYrD99-GD4YFZ6wFFj-ZRY_2UHgDHp2wLLw6nRBLY3HV9z0CPvvL7tmOrDfWGk0AbJO3TUPPggO0-48WEw/s200/1.jpg" width="200" /></a>I find myself in that predicament daily. Even worse, when there are multiple birthdays and it shows up in my news feed that I wished 2 out of 5 people a happy birthday, and you weren't one of them? Then I look like a jerk, but I don't communicate with you. Ever. So, leave the happy birthday wishes to someone who actually cares. Like the other people who never communicate with you, but still can't NOT wish you a happy birthday because it shows up in their feed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB6Oc5P7ckRRLCyexYVbRVlGGYOmBsuQG4qXJZzX2PoBWYOOzGRc2-2pNkV0KJbFlpX2j3PpRPjnVhNQotTAp12UFz1IWhPllGOFES9Wwvt_oPbuzkLMvrD5YUSCgRqq5cHkn-k0bhScID/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB6Oc5P7ckRRLCyexYVbRVlGGYOmBsuQG4qXJZzX2PoBWYOOzGRc2-2pNkV0KJbFlpX2j3PpRPjnVhNQotTAp12UFz1IWhPllGOFES9Wwvt_oPbuzkLMvrD5YUSCgRqq5cHkn-k0bhScID/s200/2.jpg" width="200" /></a>How about when someone has a major life event and they post it on Facebook? Like, having a baby, getting married, getting divorced, etc. Do you comment on their post and succumb to the thousands of notifications that will inevitably ensue from other people's comments? Do you send them a private message? Or do you just not say anything at all? Everyone knows it's not official until it's on Facebook, so even though I went to your wedding, held your newborn baby, or cursed your ex husband during a night of divorce celebrations, I STILL have to comment, simply because it's on Facebook? In the words of Cher from <i>Clueless, </i>AS IF.<br />
<br />
What do you do when someone posts motivational posters and pictures all the time? Do you give them the sympathy they're looking for, or do you hide that shit like I do? Look, Facebook is a forum for all of us to keep in touch, not group therapy. Find an AA meeting if you need justification or sympathy for your bad life choices. I don't see how it's motivating to post motivational posters on Facebook. What does it motivate? People to look at your profile? To see if there's any dirt on what you might be going through to post motivational crap? I'm not saying motivational posters are bad, but in excess, well, it's excessive. I don't really need to see your posters on a daily basis. So, I hide that shit.<br />
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Finally, let's talk about the serial likers. Really? Do you really spend all your time on Facebook liking shit? You don't do anything else but like. It's an addiction, I swear. No one likes that much stuff. No one can possibly thumbs up everything everyone posts all day long, every day. Most shit I see, I'm completely impartial to. I'd rather comment on something than like it. Why? Cause it's annoying to be notified that someone liked something I posted. If you like it, why not comment on it? Then, you won't be wasting my time by my clicking the notifications tab just for me to see that you liked it. Keep it up, and I'll put my thumb where you won't like it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7sEmWoSfxlMhDMhDAvyQC0aVBWvRRDs_tqLkCDmFYidcV-DE7N5yPFrYqT4_rgCWW2EwZPhaa9rQOd9VSQZm6Nx-hoXf78RUVQtNAKpjoxKzyW7L5DQZFEw1wNSe5iV3zV2GvfZfdHhC_/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7sEmWoSfxlMhDMhDAvyQC0aVBWvRRDs_tqLkCDmFYidcV-DE7N5yPFrYqT4_rgCWW2EwZPhaa9rQOd9VSQZm6Nx-hoXf78RUVQtNAKpjoxKzyW7L5DQZFEw1wNSe5iV3zV2GvfZfdHhC_/s320/3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-20249524680438062602013-05-14T15:43:00.001-04:002013-05-14T15:52:47.049-04:00Closets Are For Clothes, Not People<style>
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</style> <span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Pride: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a satisfied sense of attachment toward one's
own or another's choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people. A
product of praise, independent self-reflection, or a fulfilled feeling of
belonging.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">This is gay pride, or rather, <i>a</i> gay pride.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I publicly declared on FB today that I am a proud Midwesterner, what with the state of Minnesota legalizing gay marriage. It is a huge step for the Midwest, considering the only other state to legalize it in that area is Iowa, who is best known for...um, well, I'm not sure. Corn fields, perhaps? Regardless, it makes me proud to see my Midwest area on the right side of history.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But it also reminds me that I'm </span>proud to be a woman, and more, a proud gay woman. I guess you could say I have gay pride. The gay community is open, understanding, and compassionate. It’s a place where you are
always welcome, no questions asked because the person next to you has been
where you have been. The people in our community have all worn the same shoes
(most likely Birkenstocks for women and pumped up kicks for the boys) and can relate our experiences on many complex levels. Our
stories may be different, but we all have a collective understanding of the gay
experience, both good and bad.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Everyone has a reason to
be proud, whether it’s because you are an accomplished athlete, successful in
your career, or are just proud of who you are as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, I’m just proud to be different, proud
of being strong enough to admit who I really am, and who I want to spend my
life with.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gay pride month is upon us
in just a few short weeks which begs the question: Why are we as gays so proud? What sets us apart from
say, heterosexual pride? Because being gay is different and it takes incredible
strength to be different.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">There are many reasons I
love being gay. Probably too many to count; but for your entertainment, I
am going to try and list a few, put this gay pride into perspective. Let me preface this by saying I am not a man hater by any
means, but in order to drive home my points, I gotta compare the two sexes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Men are disgusting and
women are beautiful. You all know this is true. Women don’t have that inherent
“man reek”. Well, with the exception of my best friend Jes. Girl is naaaasty,
but I digress. You know the stench when you walk into a guy’s bedroom? Or a
frat house? Or even a man cave? That stale odor of wet socks, ball sweat, and
morning breath? G to the ROSS. Thankfully, women like to smell good and use
things like candles, exotic body sprays, and often baking to induce pleasant
smells. Guys like their natural musk and are often quite proud of it. Women can
be disgusting, but at least we try to hide it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Men are hairy and again,
women are beautiful. Yes, women have body hair (in areas some are ashamed of,
but that’s what laser hair removal is for) but we don’t have chest, back, or
armpit hair. Not typically anyway.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Men do not menstruate;
women do; therefore, they understand the pain and suffering on a monthly basis.
My wife Emily doesn’t get upset with me if I am not feeling well due to my
angry uterus like a man would. She doesn’t blame my crankiness on PMS
immediately. Periods are not a mysterious puzzle to be solved, a code to be
cracked. It’s just menses guys, learn about it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbo2PMedOXI3Kg4DZm8kn1OdDLgHZ-iLKdu0jQ-B6lhjKdPpFTKC4LEkk8rGNrnq_qPybxzVyxr9vBXNtk0a0mFgBaUvhplegSr8YyJjXTEKUr7LUJWQ9IsqQf5Rcyvi0vd8sCbBQuQoc/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVbo2PMedOXI3Kg4DZm8kn1OdDLgHZ-iLKdu0jQ-B6lhjKdPpFTKC4LEkk8rGNrnq_qPybxzVyxr9vBXNtk0a0mFgBaUvhplegSr8YyJjXTEKUr7LUJWQ9IsqQf5Rcyvi0vd8sCbBQuQoc/s400/5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Women are beautiful, or
have I mentioned that before? Have you ever looked closely at a man’s genitalia
versus a woman’s? I mean, it’s like comparing beautiful golden apples and a
papaya to an ugly purple sausage and dried up prunes. The two are simply not
comparable. And who doesn’t love boobs? Straight men, straight women, and even
gay men love boobs. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Women know what women
want. That can be helpful in almost every single scenario in a relationship.
Sex, sharing clothing, food choices, activities, communication, and the list
goes on. I don’t wonder what my wife means when she says something. I don’t
wonder if I have to read between the lines or make assumptions. She says what
she means, and means what she says. Simple as that. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Being a lesbian comes in
handy when in public, particularly bar scenes. Not only do we have the best
reason to deny a creeper, it is also a great way to score free drinks. It seems
when you deny a creeper’s advances, the cute(ish) guy who hears that you’re a
lesbian wants to know more and buys you drinks. Of course secretly, he thinks
he’s just scored a night with two chicks, but he really knows he’s going home
alone, but he can’t stop his curiosity. Downside, sometimes you have to explain
intimate details, but hey, a free drink is a free drink. Ladies, am I right?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">We have the option to
shop in the ladies and men’s sections of clothing stores. We can mix and match
clothing if we choose. This idea extends outside the stores; many gay women
also shop in the ladies and men’s department. It’s called being bisexual, and I
have done it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Being a woman in a same
sex relationship offers me everything I want. The wife and I have a best friend
relationship. She understands everything about me. She knows what it’s like to
be female, so she understands why I ask her to help me with a self breast exam,
and she knows what to look for. Being of the same gender, we have common
interests and we do more things as a couple than some of our straight friends.
And women are naturally sweet creatures, full of love, piss, and vinegar. But I
wouldn’t have it any other way. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">We gays have the best gay jokes. Seriously, we do. (See: Ellen DeGeneres, Wanda Sykes, Neil Patrick Harris, Mario Cantone, et al.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Joking aside, the best thing for me
about being gay is the sense of pride I get when I say it out loud. The sense
of pride I get when someone I love and care about introduces me or my wife to
someone new and is not uncomfortable doing so. Admitting you’re gay forces you
to realize things about yourself you were too afraid to see before. It forces
you to be strong willed, caring, and understanding of people who have
difficulties. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">I acknowledge everyone has a story,
everyone has hardships. But for the sake of argument and to further my explanation about why I'm proud to be gay, I say this: everyone has hardships, sure, but not everyone has had to face adversity, public
judgment and humiliation, or estrangement from friends and family simply by
declaring their sexual preference, who they like to have sex with, or who they
want to spend the rest of their life with. Can you imagine if straight people
were forced to come out and admit their sexual preferences? Oh, the guy sitting
behind you on the bus likes to wear a strap on and give it to his wife in the
butt. Or, the waitress at the restaurant where you’re enjoying lunch likes to
blow her husband while he takes a shit. Or how about your college professor who
likes to hire prostitutes to beat him with a whip and then pee on him? Yes,
these are extreme and unpleasant examples, but sometimes this is what “coming
out” feels like to us. It feels like we have to put our sexuality on display to
set the record straight. I mean, isn't your sex life EVERYONE else's business like ours is?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">Everyone in the gay
community has a “coming out” story; some are great, some are not so great, and
some are just horrifying. Although coming out is a process to admit your
sexuality, a process no one should have to go through, gay or straight, it’s
just the way our society is. If you’re different, you have to declare it out in
the open for the world to hear and when you do, you have to stand by it and
defend it. Coming out is also a way to expose yourself and see your own strengths
and weaknesses in the open, raw and vulnerable. For me, it has made me become a
better person. I may be proud, but I’m not too proud to admit my faults, work
on the way I react to things out of my control, and I attribute my inner growth
successes to the fact that I am gay and therefore, proud. Having a great
support system also helps that feeling of pride, no doubt. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have changed a lot
since “coming out” years ago. I still have a temper, but on a scale of 1 to
blind rage, I’d say my temper generally falls between 1 and seeing red. Like an
alcoholic, I have chosen to accept the things I cannot change; I can only
change my reaction and give things meaning if I choose to. I am more selfless
than selfish, because I am in love with a girl for whom I would lay down my
life. But let’s be real; even with all those positive changes, I’m still an
asshole, but at least I’m a cool gay asshole. Settle down gay boys, not that
kind of gay asshole. You know where to go to find that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt;">With that said, being
who you are is something to be proud of, regardless of the reason. Don’t be
afraid to be yourself. Life is too short, tomorrow is never promised, and the
best people in life will love you because you’re you.</span><br />
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KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-35110580362645198542013-04-01T09:46:00.000-04:002013-04-01T09:46:09.041-04:00Word: 365 Weeks 10-13Life happens. I haven't updated on my project in a few weeks, and I am still behind in writing some letters, but I will push through and catch up.<br />
<br />
I sent letters to almost all family members (a few friends) the past few weeks. Cobi got a letter regarding his upcoming trip to FL. Dylan got a letter just so I could say hi! I sent a letter to my long lost friend Sarah in PA. My old college roommate Kelly sends out a holiday letter every year, a letter I look forward to so I sent her a mini "holiday" letter catching her up on the past few years that we have not seen each other. I also sent letters to June, Shelby, Whitney, as well as my BFF Rachel. Jes & Riley got a letter, thanking them for coming to visit us. Mom & Dad got a letter, of course. Emily's grandma Noreen got a letter for her birthday, and her brother and sister in law Andrew & Lindsay also got a letter. Last but not least, I sent a letter to my sister Erin.<br />
<br />
Nothing too exciting. Time to go catch up on writing. Check back soon.<br />
<br />
In other news, Emily and I have been spending time on Craigslist looking for used but quality kayaks. Craigslist is awesome, yet insanely creepy at the same time.<br />
<br />
Case in point:<br />
<br />
<h2 class="postingtitle">
MAGICAL HORSE</h2>
<section id="postingbody">
Hello, this is my lovely horse legacy. He has been in my family for 5
years. He truly is a wonderful creature. At night, his mane glows like
the brightest of juptiers moons. It is what we in the horse world call
"magical". I give him daily protein shakes to make sure he countinues to
grow big and strong. I don't know when he'll stop growing, he'll
probably countinue to until his time comes. Please be prepared to
accommodate a horse the size of a small tank if you plan on keeping him
for more then a month. I feed him a strict diet of cucumbers and
horseradish. Some people say that it's sick to feed a horse horseradish,
but sense horse radish doesn't actually have horse in it, I'm sure it's
ok.<br />
<br />
800 OBO if you have any albino chickens we may be able to negotiate. Or
800 dollars worth of Fred Meyers gift cards so I can countinue to buy
horseradish for my other horse.<br />
<br />
In order to ensure your not spam, please say "you have a magnificent
stead on your hands I'd like to obtain. I'm pretty sure no telephone
operator from overseas can say that correctly.
<ul>
<li> Location: Anchorage</li>
<li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</li>
</ul>
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Posting ID: 3599790968</div>
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-15540975638148051072013-03-06T14:56:00.001-05:002013-03-06T14:59:19.808-05:00Word: 365 Weeks 8 & 9Well, it's been a busy two weeks. I was in WI the last week of February and when I got back, I had to play catch up.<br />
<br />
I only wrote one letter in Week 8, which was to my brother in law (condolences for losing his grandmother) and then I had to fly out to WI.<br />
<br />
Week 9 was different. I wrote a letter to Jessi Spengler, asking her how her 52 letters project is going. Wrote a letter to my old friend Eva. Wrote my friend Julie a get well letter (she just got a boob job). I, for one, cannot wait to feel her up next time I see her!!!<br />
<br />
I wrote a letter to an old high school acquaintance Matt who did something wonderful at a funeral one of my friends had to attend. Two people, Mark and Kaye Juel, perished in a fire on 12 February 2013. It is a tragedy that rocked the community and Matt, who I believe is close with their son Steve, stood outside and saluted in the cold weather during the funeral. These are all second hand details from Jes, but when I was in WI, we discussed writing him a letter, just to let him know someone did notice what he did and that it was an amazing and heartfelt gesture.<br />
<br />
Then I got the idea to Google "365 letters" to see who else has had the same idea. I found a blog by this woman Carla and read through some of her posts. She had a contact page with a mailing address, so I said what the heck and sent her a letter too.<br />
<br />
I also decided to share my project with The Ellen Show; I know, I know. Wishful thinking. We'll see if anyone ever reads that letter. Along the same lines, I also wrote two DJ's at Kiss Country (they're always about positive projects in the community). Again, not sure if they'll ever read those letters.<br />
<br />
I also started to research writing letters to soldiers, and it's not as easy as you would think. Either you have to write to a company who distributes them or pay to get the addresses of individual soldiers, or donate money in order to write a letter online. Finally, I found a company called <i>A Million Thanks</i> where you just write a bunch of letters, send to them, and they distribute them. It was my best option at the time. Hopefully, they end up in the right hands. If not, I guess my letters are floating around there somewhere.<br />
<br />
Last but not least, I wrote another letter to Mom & Dad Kelly. It was so great to see and spend time with them, if only for a few short days. Love you guys.<br />
<br />
This week, hopefully tomorrow, I plan on doing a random selection of letters by using an old school method. It's big, thick, and yellow. PHONE BOOK!!! I also looked into writing letters to seniors at nursing homes but again, it's more difficult than you'd think. Privacy and whatnot. Dangit.<br />
<br />
I will wrap this up by stating this: anyone who knows me knows there's nothing I love more than combing words together to make one epic word. But this is a new one. Thighgina. And I'm just sad I didn't come up with it, but oh so very happy that I came across this today.<br />
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Cheerio!<br />
<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-28109275616362319402013-02-19T10:41:00.001-05:002013-02-19T10:41:36.881-05:00Word: 365 Week 7I wrote 5 letters last week. But I'm still ahead of the game, so that's good.<br />
<br />
In the last two weeks, I have written super nice letters to two of my friends, sent them out in the morning, to only find out later in the afternoon that they had very bad news. I sent a letter to Tone-Loc in the morning, only to find out later that she was diagnosed with Lupus. Not cool. The other letter I wrote to my BFF Jes and sent it in the morning, only to find out later on that her aunt and uncle died tragically in a house fire. Very sad news, on both accounts and I've been thinking about both of them ever since.<br />
<br />
I wrote a letter to my dear friend Lindsey, letting her know that although we don't talk all that often and only see each other when I make it home to WI, I still consider her one of my best friends and distance has no affect on our friendship. I wrote a similar letter to my FL friend Rachel. We hadn't seen each other in almost a year even though we live in the same county! But, we saw her on Friday and nothing has changed, which is great.<br />
<br />
The last letter I wrote is to my new-ish friend Anna, whom I met through my friend Blue. I wrote her a getting to know you type of letter, since I've only met her a few times. But, she is coming to our game night in a few weeks so she will see the "other" side of me. Especially when we play the game "Cards Against Humanity". Holy balls. So excite.<br />
<br />
Well, I am headed home to WI in two days. I can't wait to see everyone! My first order of business is getting the stupid Chinese symbol I have tattooed on my foot covered up with a fun clover/knot design. My sister Kate and I got these Chinese symbols back in college because we thought we were cool. But we weren't. And 10 years later, it's time to cover them up. Then I head home to Rhinelander to see my parentals and some friends. Leave Monday night to see another dear friend and then a couple on my way out on Tuesday. It will be a short, jam packed weekend but I'm looking forward to it. Not looking forward to driving in the snow, which I'm sure I will be doing quite a bit of. Such is life.<br />
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WTF pic of the week:<br />
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This is Merica, bitches. I'm glad that we have such strict gun laws that a choad with a skullet can pose for such sexy pics such as this. Wow. What a beaut!<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-48601285604960331312013-02-14T11:02:00.002-05:002013-02-14T11:32:37.686-05:00The MattressWell, we are in the market for a new bed (currently have a pillowtop queen, but it's not at all glorious; keep reading). But neither of us has ever shopped for or purchased our own bed before. I slept on a futon all throughout college and Emily had a full mattress. When we moved in together, she made me get rid of the futon and we shared the full. Or double. It could have been a double. Shit, who am I kidding? It was probably a California twin.<br />
<br />
Then we moved to Florida and it seemed that everyone we knew had an awesome queen or a king bed. Everyone had grown up and gotten rid of their college furniture in exchange for matching bedroom sets. Everyone except us. Either they already had one or we knew someone who was buying a new bed and needing to rid of their old one. Except us.<br />
<br />
And one of those people was our dear friend Sarah.<br />
<br />
One hot, sticky day in June, Sarah told me she needed help moving AND she needed assistance moving her bed. She had just dumped her loser boyfriend (the same guy who told her he dreamed about stabbing her in her sleep because she broke up with him and was seeing someone else; not a violent guy, just one of those nerdy types you'd see on <i>The Big Bang Theory)</i> and needed to move out of their apartment pronto. My first thought was to tell her to rent a U-haul but I'm a good person so I offered the use of my SUV. And I didn't want to find out her ex-douche stabbed her with a butter knife while she slept so I knew I had to get her out. And fast.<br />
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I was not excited to help her move (she's the type that packs as she moves) on a hot Florida summer day (I was so sticky with sweat, I could have been a honeycomb), but she was my friend and she needed help. Luckily for Emily, she was in WI at that moment so she was exempt from this horrifying day.<br />
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When I arrived at Sarah's house, she had a hot pizza on the counter and lukewarm beers she had just put in the fridge. Um, was she unaware this was June? In Florida? And one of my stipulations of helping her move was COLD BEER? Whatever. The sentiment was sweet and she fed and watered me so I sucked it up. Had I known what I was in store for, I would have asked for $1,000, a series of vaccinations (the kind you get when you go to Africa for the first time), and an orgasm. Seriously. <br />
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It didn't take us that long to pack up her crap and move it to her new place, which was nice because it was so hot. Did I say that already? Let me repeat. It was HOT AS HELL. So hot I think a cardboard box stuck to the side of my arm and when I went to put it in my SUV, the cardboard had adhered to my skin and tore a chunk off. The bed was the last thing she needed to move, which we saved for evening time when the sun went down. As an after thought, I'm not so sure that was a good idea because playing with ratchet cords and putting mattresses on top of my Saturn Vue in the dark turned out to be less than fun, but at least it wasn't as hot.<br />
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We loaded up her box spring and mattress on top of the SUV, miraculously figured out these stupid blaze orange ratchet straps (we had caught a mid afternoon buzz with those lukewarm beers), and drove slowly to her new place, each of us with an arm out the window, holding on to the mattress on the roof. Plus I drive a stick shift, so this was no easy task.<br />
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We looked just as, if not more stupid as those lawn care truck companies that are too cheap to provide their employees with ample transportation, so they just shove the sun beaten, decrepit looking workers in the back with the fallen trees, bushes, and what I would assume to be woodland creatures that have crawled in, thinking the back of the truck was a forest. We looked like idiots. <br />
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After we unloaded her nice big fluffy queen bed (thanks for rubbing it in) and got it set up, Sarah dropped a bomb on me. She told me we had to go back to the old apartment and get rid of a mattress. I was confused. What mattress? We had moved everything she had? She said it was from a friend (after seeing it, I don't know what kind of friend would unleash something this horrible onto another human being) and she was anxious to get rid of it. She started acting suspicious and seemed nervous when she would speak of this mattress. Later I would learn it's because there are video cameras by the dumpsters where she lived and she didn't want to be caught tossing a mattress in a dumpster where clearly you only toss garbage bags. By the way she was acting, I could have sworn she had committed a serious crime and was trying to rid of evidence. Little did I know, that could have been true based on the state of the mattress.<br />
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We arrived back to her old apartment and she brought me to the spare bedroom and showed me the mattress. Words literally cannot explain the horror I felt when I first laid eyes on this thing.<br />
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If memory serves me correctly, this is what I encountered:<br />
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My first thought was to call CSI because it looked like the mattress had been the star piece of evidence in a violent crime scene. There were stains that eerily resembled a <span class="st">Rorschach test and the thing smelled like and was as old as George Washington's death bed. If I had shined a black light across this abhorrent thing, I would have seen more semen than I ever care to in my life. And blood. And urine. And any other liquid that can weep from a human body. To say the least, this mattress was the nastiest thing I had ever seen in my life, besides the dead, drowned, bloated squirrel I discovered in a garbage can that had filled up with snow and melted during a spring thaw in WI.</span><br />
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<span class="st">I knew there was no way out of it. This mattress had to meet the dumpster that night, which meant I had to touch it. With my bare hands. And probably other parts of my body, like my cheek. When you move a mattress, it's best to let it rest against your body and I knew I would have to not only touch it, but carry it down two flights of stairs and across the parking lot to the dumpster. With my bare skin (I was wearing a tanktop and shorts). It would touch my bare skin. Everything else of hers was already moved, and that includes any hope of yellow kitchen or latex gloves she may have had. Gone. Long sleeves? Gone. Hazmat suit? I wish. Bare skin it is. </span><br />
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<span class="st">It's really a shame I didn't look like this whilst moving it:</span><br />
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Who knows what kinds of diseases I contracted from that thing. It was a breeding ground for the Hepatitis Trifecta (A, B, & C), a number of STD's, and probably polio. I'm not showing any symptoms yet, but I'm still waiting.<br />
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<span class="st">I walked toward the mattress slowly, struggling to hold in the bile that was rising in my throat. Meanwhile, all Sarah could do was laugh at my reaction. I was screaming things like "Abe Lincoln murder scene", "rape/murder victim crime scene", "bloodborne pathogens", and "FUCK MY LIFE" and all she could do was laugh. All I wanted to do was cry. At one point, I even contemplated ending my own life (I was holding my breath for a long time, so it could have happened), but even in death, I couldn't stand to think that I would land on top of this cesspool of germs, crust, and piss.</span><br />
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<span class="st">Three beers later, I finally mustered up the courage to not only approach this mattress crime scene, but to touch it. With my pinky toe. I had to touch it with something and I could spare my pinky toe without being too upset. The thing was a giant "scratch n sniff". It was crusty, soggy, hard, soft, and emitted the foulest of odors that no landfill could even attempt to mimic. I suggested we just start the apartment on fire, but then there's the whole "arson is a felony=jail time" thing, so I quickly scratched that idea. </span><br />
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<span class="st">Either it happened so fast, or I blocked it from my memory, but all I remember about moving this thing is holding my breath and picking it up, to quickly (and not so discreetly) throwing it on the dumpster. We didn't put it in the dumpster or next to it. No. We were in such a mad rush to get rid of this ancient, diseased, possibly historical artifact that we threw it on top of the dumpster. Looking back, we probably thought we were in serious stealth mode, sneaking through the parking lot undetected while holding a giant mattress, stealthily avoiding the cameras, but in reality, we looked like drunken loudmouthed laughing jerks shoving a mattress on top of a dumpster and running away as if we had just committed ding dong ditch. </span><br />
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<span class="st">Somehow, I survived. I should probably contact Biography.com and see if they're interested in my <i>I Survived</i> story, but they probably reserve those spots for people who are victims of crime, animal attacks, and freak accidents. Well, I know I was a victim, something was attacked on that mattress, and after touching it, I freaked. Maybe I'll qualify.</span><br />
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<span class="st">After listening to another round of hearty guffaws coming from Sarah the entire ride to her new place, she thanked me profusely while I cursed her silently. When I got home, here's a montage of what I did:</span><br />
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After living in FL for two years, we were approached by our friend Andria, wanting to do a mattress swap. She wanted our full box spring in exchange for a queen mattress. They had a full mattress and a queen mattress, but needed a full box spring and she new we were in the market for a bigger bed. <br />
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My first thought was "no way in hell am I accepting a mattress from everyone after what I had just gone through with Sarah". To give her the benefit of the doubt, she brought the mattress over and I did a 150-point inspection on it and thankfully there were no stains, odors, or diseases and we really couldn't pass up the opportunity to have a queen bed for the first time in our lives. So we got rid of the full mattress, bought a queen box spring, and it felt like heaven, sleeping on a queen from a full. But that feeling only lasted one night. The bed was uncomfortable and bouncy and it was difficult to get a good night's sleep. But we were poor so we dealt with it because after all, we finally had a queen bed.<br />
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Two years later, our friends Julie and Karl moved down here and bought a king bed. We exchanged our queen mattress for their queen (theirs was a pillowtop) and then we were really in heaven. Not only had they conceived their three children on the mattress we now slept on, which just the mere thought of their lovemaking can put me right to sleep with happy thoughts, but it was pillowtop heaven!<br />
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Well, that didn't last long either. We had to share the bed with Winkie and a few months later, we got a puppy. So now there's four of us in one bed. Wanks sleeps on my pillow, Kahlua sleeps by my feet, and Emily sleeps wherever the hell she wants. No joke.<br />
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On an average night, I probably have about 1/8 of the bed at my disposal. Every night, I claim my slice of mattress and at least 3/4 of my body hangs off the bed. Not only because Kahlua takes up so much room, which is odd because she's small, but Emily is an extreme bed hog. She shoves a pillow 'tween her legs, yanks on the covers all night long, and has violent RLS (restless leg syndrome for you anti-acronym people) and a weird habit of rubbing her feet together to fall asleep. She is also a heavy mouth breather when she sleeps, so I'm always trying to find a way to avoid that. Also, I'm scared for my life when she changes positions. I fear one day I will bounce right off that thing because she treats it like a trampoline. I literally have to hold onto the sheets when she starts moving around otherwise I know I will fall off the bed. <br />
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Needless to say, I seem to have bad luck with mattresses. I still have nightmares from the George Washington crime scene bed, I haven't gotten a decent, uninterrupted night of sleep in years, and we NEED a king bed like this:<br />
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Or a bunk bed like this:<br />
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We haven't decided. And no, please don't offer us your used king bed or I will stab you in your sleep, Sarah's ex-douche style.<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-84479352692553039892013-02-14T08:37:00.001-05:002013-02-14T09:10:32.270-05:00My Anti-ValentineOh Emily, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. (BARF)<br />
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<span class="st">Emily is an off-key singing, terrible dancing, tennis ball sniffing, big breasted, smiling silly woman.</span> And today, she is my anti-valentine and I am hers.<br />
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I hate Valentine's Day. There. I said it. I think it's stupid. Before you call me a hater, let me explain.<br />
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I consider myself to be romantic. Not hopeless, but I like to do nice romantic things for Emily. But I like to be original, unique. If I want to surprise her with a gift, a bouquet of flowers (and never roses), or a romantic dinner, I will pick a random day to do it. A day she's not expecting it. I love her every single day of the year, so I am in no mad hurry to show her that I love her "extra", one day out of the year. Because I don't. I don't love her extra on 14 February; I just love her every day. Plain and simple.<br />
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Plus there's too much pressure on people for Valentine's Day. What if I don't get enough roses? What if she doesn't like my gift? I got her a diamond ring last year; what can I get her this year that will top it? Where can we have a super romantic dinner? Um...no thank you. I have enough pressure in my life being awesome, I don't need any extra.<br />
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Every year, it's the same thing. People spend way too much money on roses, which honestly, are NOT the prettiest flowers on earth. Nor are they the cheapest. Unless you buy them from the Hispanic guy on the I95 exit ramp. People spend too much time stressing over and picking out a gift. Candles? Jewelry? Vacation? Gift certificates? <br />
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And don't even get me started on those people who think it's cute and original to propose on Valentine's day. Dude, that's about as original as making a ham on Easter. Come on.<br />
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The only thing Valentine's Day is good for is boosting the economy, helping small businesses (restaurants, <span class="st">chocolatiers</span>, florists, etc.) making single people feel lonely, and helping married couples have sex during the week. In this respect, fine. Valentine's Day: 1. Me: 0. You may have won that battle, but I will win the war about Valentine's Day. This holiday causes more stress, panic, pressure, and heartache than Christmas!<br />
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Thankfully, Emily feels the same way about Valentine's Day as I do. In fact, one year she made me an Anti V-Day card that was blue and black and looked like a bruise and it may have featured an anti-love poem. I had never felt so in love before! Girl gets me.<br />
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By choosing to not celebrate, there's no pressure on me to perform as anything but myself on V-Day. No pressure to outdo myself every year. No pressure to be über romantic, spend tons of money on chocolate or flowers, or to really do anything special besides tell her I love her, which I do every day anyway.<br />
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<span class="st">I love doing romantic things for Emily. I love surprising her with Gerbera daisies (her favorite and way prettier than roses) randomly. I love taking her out on the town, my treat. I love leaving her short notes on the bathroom mirror. Sending her sweet text messages. I love doing all that, so although it's shocking that I don't revel in the splendor that Valentine's Day creates for other people, I just don't see the point in over-celebrating when I celebrate with her every day. I love her every single day and simply don't feel it's necessary to go out of my way, one day of the year, to proclaim my love for her in outrageous ways.</span><br />
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<span class="st"><i> </i></span>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-2907467189652503032013-02-12T08:51:00.000-05:002013-02-12T08:52:25.809-05:00Word 365: Week 6Last week I reached a milestone. I wrote my 50th letter. Currently, I have written a total of 52, but that will change today when I send out my next batch. But 50 handwritten letters in 45 days! Holy cripes Batman! Luckily, most of these are short letters.<br />
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So, who was the lucky recipient of the 50th letter? EMILY DAVIS of course! She's my person and deserves it. It was nothing special, just a short and sweet letter, but I actually put it in the mail so she was lucky enough to receive a letter in the mail instead of me just putting it on the counter in the bathroom!!!<br />
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I also wrote letters to my parents. Last week was a milestone for them as well. As you probably read, Dad finished his last round of chemo, and hopefully the last one forever. I wrote them both nice letters, telling them how much I love them and how proud I am of their strength and positive thinking for the last few months.<br />
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I wrote a letter to a couple of my friends last week that I thought could use a pick me up in the form of a handwritten letter. Shelby, Stacy, and Toni were the recipients for those letters. I wrote another letter to Jess Spengler (read her blog <a href="http://www.jessicaspengler.com/" target="_blank"><u><b>here</b></u></a>) because she is also participating in this project. She chose to write 52 letters this year, but I hope and I know she will be able to write more.<br />
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My nephews and sister Jen also received letters and stories from me this week. I haven't heard anything from them yet, which I normally do, so either they didn't get the stories or they hated them! Honestly, it could go either way. HAHA <br />
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Last but not least, I wrote a letter to Julie just reminding her how much I value our friendship and another to Amanda, an old friend with whom I rarely see or speak to, but our friendship is still strong and we can pick up where we leave off, which is the sign of a great foundation.<br />
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I wish I could give you a sneak peek into next week, which would be the letters I'm writing this week, of which there are none yet. Without further ado, I have to get writing but before I go, please enjoy this photobomb.<br />
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That kid is multi tasking; photo bombing whilst crapping his pullups and getting ready to take off his shirt. Well done Ese, well done.<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-77775940063054266272013-02-07T12:13:00.000-05:002013-02-07T12:13:39.075-05:00Adios, Chemo!!!6 February 2013. My dad's last chemo treatment. Hopefully forever. But for now, "for now" will suffice.<br />
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Let me back up a bit. 19 July 2012. The day I turned 30. Also my mom's birthday (I won't give away her age). And we all received terrible news. Dad has colon cancer. Needs surgery immediately, then recovery, then chemo for 6 months. Holy crap, Batman!!!<br />
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Needless to say, it's been a looooooong 7 months or so. The surgery was a success, recuperation was a bitch, but Dad got through it. Chemo was okay at the beginning, but he felt like death towards the end. But death it is not. Dad made it through, he is soon on his way to recovery and will bounce back to his old sarcastic, snarky, somewhat racist self.<br />
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And I for one, cannot wait to have my Dad back.<br />
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But Tom Kelly didn't do this on his own. Sure, it was his body, but without the love and support from our family and friends and the power of prayer and positive thinking, the outcome might have been different. So, I'm sending a shout out to all of you who helped my family, prayed, sent positive thoughts, food, gifts, who sat with him at chemo, who visited him in the hospital or at home, gave him or my mom rides, etc., or for people who could do nothing besides keep him in your thoughts. No matter what you did or who you are, just know words will never express our appreciation.<br />
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He's not in the clear just yet though; he still needs another colonoscopy, a cat scan, and I'm sure other blood tests in the future to determine if the chemo worked, if the cancer is gone, etc.; but for now, he's good. Even so, keep praying (those of you who pray), keep sending positive thoughts and vibes his way, and just think of us every now and then. He might be 70 years old, but we are not ready to lose him and the power of positive thinking and willpower to live is amazing. Tom Kelly, we still need you around.<br />
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I mean, how can you NOT love this guy???<br />
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Tom Kelly is one of a kind. For those of you who know him, no explanation is necessary. For those of you who don't, you know you wish you did. He's an incredible father and man, albeit a pain in the ass most of the time. :)<br />
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Thanks again for everything these last few months, all of you. It really means a lot. Much love. xoxo.KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-12207009318801515142013-02-07T11:58:00.002-05:002013-02-07T11:58:28.034-05:00Word: 365 Week 5Well, another week down. I've already written my letters for week 6, but won't post about that until next week. Trying to keep a week ahead.<br />
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In week 5, I sent letters to a few family members. Vicki and Tom, Nicci and Jason--just nice, short letters. I sent another story to my nephews. Bowling for Asians. Read it <b><a href="http://theother98.blogspot.com/2011/03/bowling-for-asians.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </b>It's a dandy. Of course, I edited it.<br />
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From my sneak peek into this week, I posted this last week:<br />
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I wrote Emily a letter telling her how proud of her I am regarding work
and a letter to Tara with things I will and will not miss about her
living with us. Last night, they said to me "aren't you supposed to
write 365 different letters to 365 different people?" My response: I
made the rules. I will write repeat letters. I already posted about that
and I feel that some people deserve more than one letter. Suck it
bitches.<br />
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I wrote an old friend, Katie, a letter, letting her know that although we don't speak often, I think about her and her family. <br />
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I also wrote my dear friend Jason a letter for his 30th birthday, and it was my favorite letter of the week. I wrote that since he's turning 30, certain things might happen. He might go bald, he might finally come out and NOT surprise anyone, he might get drunk after a few beers, he might find himself in a sexless relationship that resembles marriage. At the end I said, oh shit. This all happened in your 20's. SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOORRRRRYYY.<br />
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The best letter I wrote all week (not the most fun, but the best) was to the family of Leanna Kossack. Leanna was a 17-year old girl from my hometown who was diagnosed in October with a rare form of cancer. According to her FB <b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheLeannaKossackSarcomaFoundation" target="_blank">page</a> (I recommend checking it out if you're in the mood for inspiration, or if you're feeling sorry for yourself) </b>she fought the disease with everything she had. Only 17 years old and she's one of the strongest people I've ever heard about. She was an amazing young woman and had family and friends who loved her dearly. Unfortunately, Leanna lost her battle with cancer on 28 January 2013. I wrote a simple letter of condolences to her family; whether they ever read it or not, that's their decision. But it's out there. At the end of the day, this family is from my hometown and we stick together, whether we know each other or not. I keep this family in my thoughts, and I hope anyone who has heard or read about this story does as well.<br />
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Sneak peek into next week:<br />
I wrote my 50th letter, reaching a milestone. Who received it? Tune in next week!!!<br />
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Since I know everyone loves a good photobomb, me in particular (I try to photobomb my own pictures), I saw this and thought it was probably one of the best photobombs I've ever seen.<br />
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Cheerio!<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-59464698803431863992013-01-31T10:39:00.001-05:002013-01-31T10:42:17.562-05:00Word: 365 Week 4I wrote some meaningful letters this week. When my brother Erik opened his letter (gave it to him in person) he said, "I can't read this now; it's a novel". Keep in mind it was a one sided letter on 9.5" x 5.5" paper. If anything, it was a glorified haiku. At least Osairis seemed to appreciate her letter, although I did get a text from Erik later that day thanking me.<br />
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Even though Blue and Scott live three buildings down from mine, I wrote them both a letter and mailed it. Sometimes, it's nice to receive a letter in the mail even when you live right down the road from the sender.<br />
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I wrote a letter to Emily's grandma Noreen, pretty much telling her she was the Grandma I never had (particularly since my Great Aunt Ada passed away eight years ago) and that I appreciated all that she's done for us. I also sent a letter to Tiffani, getting to know her better by telling her things about me. Makes sense, right?<br />
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I had the most fun writing a letter to Riley, Jes' boyfriend. They are coming to visit us in March and I felt like he needed forewarning as to my crazy and idiotic antics. The guy's only met me once for a short while, so I feel that it was only fair to warn him. I warned him about how I fart a lot. All the time. At home, in public, it doesn't matter. I also warned him that I am extremely disgusting, I have no filter, and I will probably embarrass him. And that I sweat. Not as much as Jes, but I do. And if I start sweating, I will sniff check my pits to make sure I don't reek like BO. Hence why I carry deodorant in my purse at all times.<br />
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So far I've written 41 letters, so I am definitely ahead of the game.<br />
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A sneak peek into week 5: I wrote Emily a letter telling her how proud of her I am regarding work and a letter to Tara with things I will and will not miss about her living with us. Last night, they said to me "aren't you supposed to write 365 different letters to 365 different people?" My response: I made the rules. I will write repeat letters. I already posted about that and I feel that some people deserve more than one letter. Suck it bitches.<br />
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Funny pic of the week:<br />
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This is a MUST HAVE for my bedroom.<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-61655826949532842012013-01-25T09:18:00.001-05:002013-01-25T09:21:54.610-05:00Word: 365 Week 3<br />
Writing letters is tougher than I anticipated, but I love the challenge.<br />
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This week, my nephew Cobi got to read a somewhat "edited" version of my Morning Thunder story. To read the unedited version, click <b><a href="http://theother98.blogspot.com/2011/08/morning-thunder.html" target="_blank">here</a></b>. Apparently, Cobi, Dylan, and even Jen got the giggles over that story. I don't blame them; 'tis funny.<br />
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Jen also got her own note, as did my aunt Jackie. I wrote notes to Emily and Tara as well. For Emily, I wrote 10 reasons why I love her. It sounds corny, but was actually funny. Tara's note was funnier though because she got a list of my top 5 favorite moments since she moved to FL. These moments include her falling into the lake and having the Umbrella bird that lives next door mock her. We were all laughing at her and the bird started laughing at her as well. It was epic.<br />
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My friend TJ is obsessed with ketchup, so I sent him a few factoids about his favorite condiment. Jason is obsessed with Beyonce, so I sent him a few trivia questions for him to answer. Too bad I didn't wait to write his letter until after the whole lip synching episode; that could have been a true or false question dangit!!!<br />
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The most important letter I wrote this week was to Emily's parents, Mary & Bill. The last 6 years have been quite an experience. We have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other and have had a lot of great moments in between. I simply wanted to let them know how I feel about them and thank them for opening their hearts and home to me and getting to know me better. Words can't express my gratitude and love for her family, but hopefully the words I wrote expressed my sentiments.<br />
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I have written 25 letters to date, and today is 25 January. I got some work to do. In the meantime, add this to your "spank bank", as my friend Andrea would say. Massive lady wood over here! I don't even know what songs 98 Degrees ever sang, but NKOTB and BOYZ II MEN! Hello! <br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-33515602582565709692013-01-15T09:44:00.002-05:002013-01-15T09:44:30.085-05:007 Simple RulesI hate when people post inspirational/motivational squares on FB. You know those squares? Those little boxes that have sunsets with expressions like "don't give up on your dreams" or "the man of your dreams will come when you're not looking"? You know that kind of shit?<br />
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Well, I normally scroll right past it, mumbling something about "get a life" or "no one cares", but someone posted these 7 Simple Rules and I could not scroll past. The words jumped out at me like that naked guy from the trunk in the movie <i>The Hangover</i>, and I was surprised by how "ballsy" some of these rules were (#2 and #7 particularly). They are inspirational without being corny and motivational without being sappy.<br />
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I cannot take credit for writing these, although I did tweak them ever so slightly.<br />
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1. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present.<br />
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2. What others think of you is none of your business.<br />
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3. Time heals everything, so give everything time.<br />
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4. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey entails; only your own.<br />
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5. Stop thinking too much. It's okay not to know all the answers. They will come to you when you least expect.<br />
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6. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.<br />
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7. Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.<br />
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I particularly like #1, #2, and #7. We all hold grudges, we all care what others think, and we all think our problems are the worst. But it's okay to let go, it's okay not to care, and it's okay to realize it could always be worse.<br />
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I'm not saying I live my life according to these rules, but if a particular situation arises, I try my hardest to not care what others think, or not harbor old grudges, or compare my situation to others. It's a trying process, one that's taken me years and I'm still working on it. I'm not perfect; but maybe one day I will be. J/K. <br />
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Completely unrelated, but mother effing ridiculous, my WTF moment of the week is brought to you by this family:<br />
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Honestly, what were they thinking? KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-61691017574824482032013-01-15T09:33:00.002-05:002013-01-15T11:44:58.659-05:00Word: 365 Week 2Well, I was busy last week writing letters. In fact, I wrote 11 of them! I am not an overachiever, just trying to stay ahead of my game. Here are a few stories about the letters I wrote last week.<br />
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In week 2, I was already struggling to be creative with my letters. As I sat here at my desk trying to think, my eyes landed upon the "Fact or Crap" calendar my parents bought for me as a gift and I thought, who else besides me gets off on trivial trivia? STACY TESCH! So, her letter contained nothing but "fact or crap" questions. Then my mind drifted towards her daughter Avery, because we have sent each other stuff in the mail before. So I figured I'd hit her with some Disney trivia, so we'll see how they both do with their answers!<br />
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While I was on a trivia kick, a couple other friends also got trivia questions. My friend JuJu received Hello Kitty trivia with a little bit of Hitler/Helen Keller trivia on the back. I know those two things do NOT go well together, but she will understand once she receives the letter. My other friend Rae received Anchorman Trivia, because the sequel is coming out at the end of the year, and we both have lady wood for Ron Burgundy. I'm sure you can respect that. <br />
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After writing those letters, I sat back in my chair feeling content. Then I smelled something weird, and my mind immediately drifted to my friend Jes. For those of you who don't know, she is an oddity. She smells like sweaty socks and raw onions, and perspires worse than any person I know. She can drink like an anonymous alcoholic who fell off the wagon and she has sex like a porn star (not with me, thankfully), but I love her anyway. But in my letter, I could only think of 5 reasons for our friendship. One of which, I believe, has to do with being an accomplice in murder/hiding a corpse. Yea, bitch has got my back. Plus she's been in jail before, so that's helpful if we ever end up there together. Which actually might just happen when she visits here in March. On St. Patty's day, no less. And I'm Irish. And I drink. And I'm inappropriate. And I make stupid decisions. Yup. We will end up in jail. Better start saving our bail money now.<br />
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Classy broad, I know. I think Betty Boop is ashamed to be standing next to this twat, holding a beer in a brown bag like a drunken hobo.<br />
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After those letters were written, I then got sentimental, and sent a letter to ZZ (my nickname for Kenzie Rae) and her father. ZZ's letter was a testament to her amazing parents and Adam's letter was about me. Selfish? Nah...I just want him to know me a little bit better because he's an important part of my life, through my best friend Rachel and I feel like I don't know much about him. What better way to get to know someone than to talk about yourself, right?<br />
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Last but not least, my sister Kate received a letter containing 7 inspirational ways to live life. I found it online and as I read through them I thought, hey, those are things I need to keep with me and try to live by. My favorite rules are to make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present, no one is in charge of your happiness except you, and my ultimate favorite: what others think of you is none of your business. It's harsh, but true.<br />
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I was inspired by these simple rules and also wanted to share them with Emily's sister Kim. Kim is an amazing person who has made mistakes in her life, like we all have, but she works hard to correct them and every day, she is a fantastic mother to her 4-year old son Nolan. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciate how our relationship has changed over the years, and wanted to share these inspirational rules with her, hoping at least one of them would ring true. In fact, I read the rules <a href="http://theother98.blogspot.com/2013/01/7-simple-rules.html" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>. I think they are great and everyone should try to at least keep one or two of them in mind on a daily basis. <br />
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With that said, it's already Tuesday and I haven't written any letters this week, so I have to get working on that. 17 down, 348 to go. NBD.<br />
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Here's to getting one of these in the mail from yours truly!!! Cheers!<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-78035026985282698222013-01-08T11:11:00.003-05:002013-01-08T11:17:27.764-05:0012 Lessons from 20122012 was quite a year. I didn't do anything extraordinary with my life, but sometimes the ordinary can become extraordinary.<br />
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1. Turning 30 wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. 30 is just a number anyway. It's all about how I feel and portray myself, which is basically like a 13 year old boy who still laughs at farts.<br />
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2. My family and friends continue to shock, inspire, and amaze me. No matter what, I still have much love for you all.<br />
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3. There is no shame in going to bed before 8pm or eating dinner at 4pm and being under the age of 75. <br />
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4. Losing touch with old friends isn't the worst feeling in the world; being burned by close friends is.<br />
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5. Growing out your hair for 3 years and cutting it all off to donate to Beautiful Lengths was both liberating and charitable. It felt better to let go than I thought.<br />
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6. All relationships take work, especially the ones you struggle with. It's better to move forward instead of dwelling on the past. You can't change your past, but you can change your present.<br />
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7. I absolutely still LOVE having repeat visitors to our palace in FL. Yes, I said palace, not place. So, please come visit! We've been here almost 5 years and some people I thought would jump on the chance to come visit still haven't, so get yo asses down herr!<br />
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8. 2012 was NOT the year for me to be GONE WITH THE WIND. Perhaps, I shall read that this year. Epic novels scare me, especially since this book reminds me of using my mom's copy as a child as a booster seat at the dinner table and in my father's various ghetto cruisers.<br />
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9. You can go from the M to the V to the A, or from the V to the A, or even from the M to the A, but you cannot go from the A to the V to the M. Nor should you wipe back to front, unless you're careful to avoid the taint. But I already knew that. I just wanted to remind y'all to make sure you were paying attention.<br />
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10. Finding out my father had cancer on my 30th birthday sucked. Finding out it could be removed and he only needed 12 chemo treatments sucked less. Knowing he is alive and that his condition during chemo is only temporary is a relief and a blessing. Keep your head up JTK. I need you around for a while yet; I still have important swear words and jokes to learn from you.<br />
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11. Anything that needs to be said can be done in 5 words or less. Sometimes, the best things said are the shortest. Unfortunately with me, I prefer long winded soliloquys, in case you haven't noticed.<br />
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12. I am lucky that Emily has put up with me for 6 years. Without her, I'd probably be a slutty hobo living on the streets and eating stale bread from the dumpster behind Jimmy John's, turning tricks and cracking jokes for money and beer. KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-44340741720087208432013-01-08T10:22:00.001-05:002013-01-08T10:22:07.667-05:00Word 365: Week 1Well, the first week was a success! The first batch of letters have gone out and have been received by most, if not all parties.<br />
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The first week's batch included the first two letters, which were of course to my wonderful parents. They are always at the top of my list.<br />
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My nephew Dylan received a "did you know" list of fun trivia.<br />
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My nephew Cobi received nothing but a list of slang terms for a variety of flatulence. Farting is something we have in common, and laugh about all the time.<br />
<br />
Also, I sent a thank you letter to the City of Oakland Park for building the 39th Street greenway. It's a glorified bike/walking path filled with palm trees and benches, but it's a great addition to our neighborhood and I look forward to using it. Every day on my way to and from work for about the last 6-8 months, I have seen men working on and building this path, and I figured they deserved a thank you for their hard work.<br />
<br />
A sneak peek for week 2 you say? Sure! Week two's batch of letters include trivia, condolences for two friends who lost a loved one, and my top 5 reasons for being friends with an amazing person.<br />
<br />
Stay tuned, and check your mail! You never know when you'll receive a letter!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
Did you know?<br />
The running pony logo used by the U.S. Post Office Department before the creation of the USPS.<br />
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KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-80829831934260574512013-01-04T13:56:00.001-05:002013-01-08T10:22:28.130-05:00Word: 365Facebook. Twitter. Email. Tumblr. Linkedin. Instagram. iPhone. Android. Instant Messaging. Facetime. iPad. Tablet. <br />
<br />
What do all these social media outlets have in common?<br />
<br />
They are ALL extremely lazy and impersonal ways to communicate.<br />
<br />
Remember the day when someone would come to your house for a surprise visit without calling/texting first? How about when someone would write a letter instead of an email? Or when someone would call your landline just to chat?<br />
<br />
I will admit that I LOVE social media for reasons everyone else does,
but I also love the feel of a pen against a fresh sheet of paper. I love receiving a handwritten letter in the mail, or a note on the mirror from a loved one. <br />
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It's only 2013, but it seems that simple communication is ancient and foreign, something from the 1600's, and something not worth celebrating or remembering. <br />
<br />
This year, I want to change all that, one letter at a time.<br />
<br />
2013 will be the year I write 365 letters.<br />
<br />
You are probably thinking "how will she have time to write 365 letters?" Well, the answer is simple. I won't have time. I will have to make time.<br />
<br />
I am a realist, so I know it will not be possible for me to write one letter every single day; therefore, I plan to write some letters in advance to accommodate my lifestyle (holidays, traveling, illness, etc.) As long as I write 365 of them in 2013, I will have reached my goal. <br />
<br />
Letters can take many shapes and forms, and I plan to take advantage of that. Over the next year, I will write letters of all kinds with all sorts of topics. It can be a note to my wife on the mirror, a note to a great server at a restaurant, a postcard, a note on a $5 bill for the homeless guy on the counter, a thank you note, a letter to a soldier overseas, words of encouragement on a post-it, etc. The letter might be personal, it might contain only jokes, it might even only contain five words, because sometimes the best things said are the shortest.<br />
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My only rule is that it has to be handwritten and it has to have a clear recipient. The only exception is if I write a letter to someone I have lost in my life, or someone to whom I have never met because unfortunately, I will never be able to send those letters. I will also certainly have repeats, as I have many loved ones with whom I will have many things to share.<br />
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The goal to this is to get back to the roots of communication in the best way possible; by taking the time out to make it personal.<br />
<br />
I am open to ideas of any kind. I am open to accepting addresses from anyone. I will blog about this weekly so you can keep up with my progress. Until then, wish me luck.<br />
<br />
I only ask one thing of you: take time out of your day once in a while to leave someone a nice note, or to send a loved one a letter. We all learned how to write when we learned how to read, so don't let your skills go to waste.<br />
<br />
Change someone's day, one letter at a time.<br />
<br />
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<br />KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-64740311027723373832012-12-18T13:03:00.002-05:002012-12-18T13:03:47.886-05:002013=365 Days of Letters<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">I
have recently been tossing around an idea. It's kind of crazy, and it
will take a lot of work and dedication. But it's 2012 and the primary
way people contact each other is via social media, email, or texting.
Sometimes even calling someone seems too much, like we are all "that"
busy. I am a writer, and I personally love receiving notes and letters,
whether it's in the mail, or a note on my bathroom mirror. My idea is,
in 2013, to write 365 letters. Some to friends, some to family members,
some to strangers. Maybe someone at a local nursing home doesn't receive
any mail and would be uplifted to receive a note, or maybe the homeless
guy on the corner would love to receive a note on top of a $5 bill, or
maybe a lonely soldier overseas who doesn't have friends or family would
appreciate a written note. I am not saying that people are going to
jump up and down to get a letter from me, someone they don't know,
because I know I am no more special than anyone else on this planet. But
I do know that the loss of the written word is tragic and I know the
affect of receiving a letter in the mail can have.<br /> <br /> This is
going to be a lot of work doing research, gathering addresses, finding
worthy people/causes to write to, and to be honest, I don't even know
what I would write. I guess therein lies the challenge. But I am up for
it and I think it would not only make a difference in at least one
person's life, but primarily, my own.</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-27477071177640381852012-12-18T10:42:00.001-05:002012-12-18T10:42:01.926-05:00Untitled<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">I can't even title this <span style="font-size: small;">post, because a <span style="font-size: small;">few simple words cannot describe my thoughts and emotions that went into this.</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></h5><h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Let me preface this by saying I am for stricter gun laws, I am all for school safety measures, and I am for people believing in religion; however, even with stricter gun laws, people will obtain guns illegally. The shooter in this tragedy just happened to have easy access. The Virginia Tech shooter did not have easy access, but due to lax gun control laws and the fact he had undergone psychiatric evaluations, he was still able to obtain his weapons legally. No matter what, people will always get what they want, all we can do is try to control the ease in which people obtain weapons.<br />
<br />
Also, many schools, including Sandy Hook, have safety measures in place, safety measures that don't involve weapons. School shootings are an anomaly and really don't occur that often, which is why when they do, it's a terrible tragedy. We don't even flinch at murders and rape anymore because it happens so frequently. We are not affected by certain crimes anymore because they happen so often. The same with plane crashes; they are very rare considering how many flights occur around the world every single day, but when a plane crashes and lives are lost, it's a terrible tragedy. This particular school DID have acceptable safety measures in place, but metal detectors, armed guards/teachers, etc. are not the answer either. Children should not feel as though they have done something wrong when they enter the school, nor should they feel like they're in prison. School is an environment to learn, socialize, and be shaped into a good person. <br />
<br />
Lastly, I've been seeing a lot of posts about God in schools and if public schools allowed prayer, this tragedy wouldn't have happened. This is not true. A shooting occurred in WI at a Sikh temple, a place of worship. God was there, wasn't he? Not to mention a lot of mass carnage crimes around the world occur IN THE NAME OF: (insert religious belief here). There have been countless incidents of mass carnage since humans existed, and it's always unexplainable. Churches, schools, gov't buildings, planes, etc. There have been shootings, stonings, bombings, genocides, etc. None if it makes sense. If you believe in the God your religion has specified, then you inherently believe he's everywhere and he is greater than human law; therefore, you could argue that he was in school that day, even though public schools don't allow public prayer.<br />
<br />
Also, not EVERYONE is Christian. In fact, at least one of the kids that was killed was Jewish, as evidenced by the pictures of his family at his funeral yesterday. Judaism and Christianity are not the same religion. They believe in different things. What people are really saying, Christian people, is that public schools should allow THEIR God into schools. What if there are 699 Christian students in that school and only one Jewish student? Is it fair for that Jewish kid to have to sit through Christian prayer? Is it fair for Christian students to participate in Hannukah celebrations? No, because they don't believe in the same things. Isn't that what PRIVATE schools are for? It is impossible to allow every religion into public schools. It's not right, and it's not fair to others who believe in something else. And I've also seen posts about how this country was founded on religion and God. Last time I checked, within the constitution, this country was founded on a belief that it was possible to keep church and state separate, which is why so many immigrants came over, to escape religious persecution and control by their church. <br />
<br />
With all this said, everyone has a right to believe what they want. I don't think having prayer in public schools is the answer. I don't think it's wrong for children or adults to pray silently no matter if they're in a school, a church, a bathroom, in bed, etc. But there's a reason that every religion has a church and a private school for those who want to have prayer in school. If you want to see prayer in your child's school, I suggest you enroll your child in a private school. For others who don't believe in what you do, don't push it on them. Public schools are public for a reason; they have all sorts of backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, etc. for a reason. To accommodate the masses.<br />
<br />
What happened in CT was abhorrent. It was a tragedy that affected every child and every adult in America. It doesn't matter if it was Newtown, or your town, your family, your children. We are a collective whole so it happened to all of us. Just as 9/11 happened to all of us. Columbine happened to all of us. The families of those victims are affected in a way we will never understand, but as a collective whole, we share the same human emotion. This shooting was a crime that no rational mind will ever understand, and no matter how strict the gun laws are, how safe schools are, or whether or not kids pray in school, bad things will always happen because there is evil in this world. We will always overcome evil, but that doesn't mean that evil will not strike first. But when it does, we have to stand together, unite for the sake of humanity. <br />
<br />
Now is not the time to argue about why this happened because no one knows. No one knows why this young man opened fire on innocent children. No one understands why terrorists hijack planes. No one understands how kids can kill their peers. No one understands how someone can take another person's life. It will never make sense to us because we are rational and these are irrational acts. The core issue with people who savagely take lives is in mental health. A sane, rational person cannot comprehend the thought process behind murder. Nor would they ever take a life unless theirs or a loved one's life was being threatened. Only a person who is irrational, severely mentally ill/disturbed, or just plain evil can take an innocent life. It will never make sense to us, it will only break our hearts trying to understand why.<br />
<br />
The most we can do is have faith in each other, in your religion if that's what gets you through, and simply be a good person each day. Perform an act of kindness once a day because how you live your life can affect your loved ones, a stranger, and your community. You never know if a simple gesture like a smile, holding the door open for someone, assisting an elderly person, being nice to a shy kid in school, or just being kind to a stranger will affect the outcome of that person's day. Life is lived day by day, and it's our actions every day that affect us and the people around us. Be thankful for what you have, for who you are blessed to have in your life, and stop looking for answers you will never find. Remember the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting, as well as anyone else who has tragically lost their lives at the hands of evil. In order for good to exist, evil must exist alongside it. The answer is not more violence or weapons. The answer is not prayer in school. The answer is not treating schools like prison. The answer is within us, within humanity.</span></span></span></span></span></h5>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-43042119051392514712012-12-11T13:04:00.001-05:002012-12-11T13:14:11.495-05:0012 Naughty (Puppy) Days of Christmas<span style="font-size: small;">Written in the style of a naughty puppy.<span style="font-size: small;">..but I won't name names.</span></span><br />
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On the first day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For laying a turd under the Christmas tree.</div>
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On the second day of Christmas </div>
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My moms scolded me </div>
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For chewing on two leather gloves</div>
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And laying a turd under the Christmas tree.</div>
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On the third day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For hiding three fountain pens</div>
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Chewing on two leather gloves</div>
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And laying a turd under the Christmas tree.</div>
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On the fourth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For barking at four blue birds</div>
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Hiding three fountain pens</div>
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Chewing on two leather gloves</div>
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On the fifth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For stealing five chicken wings</div>
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Barking at four blue birds</div>
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On the sixth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For playing in six sprinklers spraying</div>
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Stealing five chicken wings</div>
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On the seventh day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For howling at seven lawnmowers trimming</div>
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Playing in six sprinklers spraying</div>
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On the eighth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For growling at eight strangers walking</div>
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On the ninth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For biting nine ankles dancing </div>
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Growling at eight strangers walking</div>
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Playing in six sprinklers spraying</div>
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On the tenth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For pouncing on ten lizards leaping</div>
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On the eleventh day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For eating eleven rolls of TP meant for wiping</div>
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Pouncing on ten lizards leaping</div>
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Growling at eight strangers walking</div>
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Playing in six sprinklers spraying</div>
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On the twelfth day of Christmas</div>
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My moms scolded me</div>
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For chasing twelve hobos bumming</div>
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KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-734972287473448082012-07-19T14:17:00.001-04:002012-07-19T14:17:22.733-04:00Turning 30...<style>
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On 19 July 1982, Kathleen Kelly went into labor and gave
birth to the most amazing person, MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! 30 years ago today, I
entered this world basically only knowing how to cry and shit myself. Now, I
still basically do the same thing; I’m just better at it.</div>
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Kidding; I don’t really shit my pants (although I have been
known to pee the bed; insert joke here: <u> </u>).
Come on, you know you want to. Okay fine, if you don’t want to joke about it
yourself, allow me: Read my pissing the bed story <a href="http://theother98.blogspot.com/2011/05/getting-older-is-bitch-but-that-depends.html"><u><b>here</b></u></a>.</div>
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As much as I would love to claim I know everything because
I’m 30 (which is so old, right?), I really don’t know much. I have learned a
lot along the way, but it’s because of the people I have had and who are still
in my life that I have learned the most important lessons from. Without the people in my life or the
experiences I’ve had, I would not be the person I am today and if I’m truly
honest with myself, I may not even have lived long enough to see 30 (yes, I do
make some dumb decisions and have put myself in precarious situations that
quite frankly, I’m lucky to have gotten out of).</div>
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It’s taken me a long time to become the person I am today,
but my favorite trait about myself is complete honesty. Honesty with other
people, but mostly honesty with myself about who I am and what I want from
life. If I can’t be completely honest with myself and others at the age of 30,
then when? Upon turning 30, I feel the need to reflect on some of my most memorable experiences that shaped me into the person I am and who knows, maybe I've learned and will share a few nuggets of wisdom as well.<br />
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I don't remember much from birth to age 4; I mean, anyone who claims they have early memories from those ages is an asshole. But, at age 4, I realized my dad was the coolest man on the
planet when he showed up with an old school fire truck and parked it in our backyard. I don't know what reason for this, I just know it happened. My
father isn’t the most patient person in the world, but neither am I. I am my
father’s daughter, there’s no doubt. But there’s no one else I’d rather be.
Good thing he redeemed himself with that fire truck because three years prior (and unbeknownst to me at the time cause I was a toddler), he dressed me up like a
clown. Not cool.</div>
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By the age of 7, I realized the power of friendship. I also
realized the power of jealousy and pettiness. Little girls can be amazing
friends, but they can also be powerhouses of bitchiness and if you’re not
careful with whom you choose to befriend, you can get burned. 1989 is when I
first learned this lesson and I’m glad I learned it while young because it has
saved me from a lot of heartache I’m sure. Although I’ve had friends hurt and
burn me, thanks to my grade school playground experiences, I had the courage to
handle it and move past it. Most
importantly, I learned the value of true friendship at an early age and can
actually say that I have kept and nurtured young friendships that I started as
a young girl and still have today.</div>
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At age 9, I knew I was different than other girls my age.
Not necessarily in a "sexual" way, but more in a lifestyle way. I knew when they fawned all over pictures
of Jonathan Taylor Thomas in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tiger Beat</i>,
I could care less. At this age, I thought it was because I had more important
things to do than drool over boys, like ride my bike and do tricks or pick on
my sister relentlessly until she cried. It wasn’t until later years I realized
the reason I was different was because I felt differently about boys than they
did. Boys were my best friends; not future lovers or soul mates. But in 1991,
how does a 9 year old girl admit this to herself, let alone to other people?
So, naturally I kept it inside and decided I would try being normal over the years to come. Keep in mind, I would never give up being a tomboy or
dressing and acting like a boy, but at least I could try to like boys. And
eventually, I genuinely ended up falling for a couple boys, not because I was
expected to, but because I actually wanted to.</div>
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Turning 10 was one of my favorite birthdays for obvious
reasons; not only was I 10 (HUGE milestone for a kid), but my parents made it a
big deal. My dad borrowed an old school limo from his boss and cruised around
town with us and I had all my friends come over because my mom made dirt cake
with gummi worms. One of my fondest birthday memories. It’s hard to beat
sharing a birthday with your own mom as the best birthday EVER, but over the next
coming years, I will have some amazing birthdays. Like my 16th (Dad taught me to drive in reverse and how to parallel park because according to him "any moron can drive forwards". I mastered those two driving techniques and they have paid off. My 21st birthday (for obvious reasons), 24th birthday (huge house party at my house, walked home from the bars naked, and got retarded drunk), and especially my 28th birthday when Emily took me on a romantic getaway to St. Augustine. And now for my 30th birthday, we are headed to New Orleans!<br />
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Sharing a birthday with your own mother is something I cannot describe. Not only are we bonded by blood, but we are bonded by my mother doing the most selfless thing a person can do; give birth to another human being. All I have to say is Mom and Dad Kelly, thank you for creating me. I'm thankful to be alive every day!<br />
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In 1994 at 12 years of age, I came of age. My sister Kate
and I walked downtown to see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Lion
King</i> and during the song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Circle of
Life</i>, I got my very first period. Ironic, I know. As much as I tried to
hide it, I had become a woman. Now, life was all about <a href="http://theother98.blogspot.com/2011/07/training-bras-wet-dreams-shark-week.html"><u><b>training bras, wet dreams, and shark week</b></u></a>. I wasn’t happy
about it, but what could I do?</div>
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At age 14, I met someone who I thought would be my soul mate
forever. Sure, what do we know in junior high? Nothing. But I knew something
was special about this boy. My parents weren’t crazy about him because he was
kind of a weirdo (had long hair, listened to emo music, smoked pot, and had a
mother who called herself Breeze Lyric or some shit like that). I didn’t care
though; this kid was cool and he understood me. Our friendship would eventually
become more in high school, but as life happens, we would lose touch. I still
think about him from time to time and every time I do, a smile comes to my lips
because I know he was my first love.</div>
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In 1999, I experienced my first true and devastating loss;
my Grandpa Kelly. This is the second time in my entire life I have seen my
father cry (the third and last time is when my parents dropped me off at college and
Dad swears he had something in his eye, “pollen or some shit” as he said. Yea
right Dad; just admit it. You were sad to drive away). The loss of my
grandfather was profound. And sad. But a
piece of him lives on in my father and as he gets older, the similarities are
uncanny. No doubt about that. Although his death was sad and took a toll on our
family, Grandpa Kelly had set aside some money for Dad and because of that, we
were able to enjoy the most amazing trip I have ever been on. Ireland in May
2000. (That is way too long of a story to even start now; someday though).<br />
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When my grandfather died, that was what I call an “old”
loss. Simply because of his age. He had lived a great life and accomplished
many things. But in 2000 at the age of 17, I would experience “young” loss by
way of four friends perishing in a terrible car accident. Their deaths rocked
the community and my peers equally as hard. No one knows what to say when a
bunch of teenagers die tragically; all we could do was go to one funeral right
after the other, share stories about them, and lean on each other when we
collapsed from sadness. Although this experience was sad, it really taught me
that life truly is precious and just because you’re young doesn’t make you
exempt from tragedy.</div>
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At age 18, I moved away from home and started college.
Learned what it was like to truly live on my own and to take responsibility for
myself. Best lesson my parents ever taught me was to pay for my education on my
own. Because of that, I truly appreciate the education I received and proudly
hang my diploma in my home. I may not have a career in my chosen field, but in
my heart I am a writer and will always be a writer. I still have a mountain of
student loan debt, but I don’t care. I went to college; I earned my diploma and
I earned the right to call myself a writer. </div>
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I graduated in 2005 but my graduation was overshadowed by
another “old” loss; my great aunt Ada had died that week and her funeral was on
the day I was set to graduate. She had been on the decline for quite some time
but her death was still sad for everyone. She was certainly a special lady and
I just wish she had been in the right state of mind (damn you Alzheimer’s) to
know how amazing all of us children turned out to be. I know both Grandpa and
Aunt Ada (the only grandparents I have ever known) would be proud of the woman
I have become (being a lesbian and all; they would have LOVED Emily). </div>
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The day I was looking forward to when I started college was
finally here. 19 July 2003. I was officially 21. By this time, I had fallen in
love with a boy I was going to marry. It took me a while to get on-board with
the whole idea of marriage, but by the time I turned 21, I was willing to at
least talk about a future with him. My 21<sup>st</sup> birthday wasn’t epic by
any means, but it was pretty amazing nonetheless. My roommates surprised me
with an awesome cake and a night out on the town and that weekend we had a huge
backyard party. I couldn’t have been happier at that moment; I had amazing
friends, and amazing boyfriend, and I was finally legal to drink!!!</div>
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By the time I turned 24, I had been to amazing places like
Ireland, Miami, Key West, Missouri (not amazing, but I had been there). I had
friends come and go but the true ones stayed by my side no matter what, and I
had partied my ass off. I also had two amazing nephews I couldn’t get enough
of. But I had also experienced devastating loss and hardships. I had fallen in
love with a boy, but we had broken each other’s hearts over the course of four
years (sadly, I broke his heart more than he did mine; it wasn’t intentional, I
was just honest). After I ended the engagement with him, it was time to truly
be honest with myself for the first time in years. I was in love with a woman.
I always wanted to be in love with a woman, and in 2006, I finally had the opportunity. But
would she feel the same way? Whatever; it didn’t matter if she did or not.
Something had changed in our friendship and I was determined to see it through
to the end, even if that meant ending an engagement and losing her as a friend.
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In 2008, my risky move paid off. Emily and I fell in love
with each other and in spite of some negative feedback and reactions, we
decided we would work super hard to change people’s minds because we were the
real deal. We were meant to be together. I could feel it in my bones and in my
heart. I had never and have never been happier than when I’m with her. To get a fresh start, we decided Wisconsin was no longer the place for us and migrated south to Florida.
Best decision we’ve ever made for the sake of our relationship. It was difficult to leave behind family and friends, but if we hadn't, we would not have the relationships we have today. I think distance made some people's hearts grow fonder and it also taught them patience and acceptance. Emily and I worked extremely hard and never gave up on those people who we knew loved us but just couldn't accept our relationship right away. That's another important lesson I have learned; NEVER EVER GIVE UP.</div>
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By 2009, I was 27 and had learned a lot from my experiences,
particularly ending a relationship with someone I didn’t love to starting one
with someone I was in love with. The best feeling in the world is taking a
chance on someone who is unpredictable and who could hurt you; but that same
person could also be worth the risk and would never hurt you. The best advice I
can give someone is if you’re not with the person who makes you the best person
YOU can be, it’s time to get out. Love sometimes isn’t enough. Promises aren’t
enough. You need to have that one person by your side that makes you humble and
proud at the same time. If the person you have chosen to be with does not make
you proud and humble, who does not accept your friends or your family (because
let’s face it; with you comes friends and family and sometimes you have to suck
it up), or who does not make you a better person every single day, you should
get out while you have a chance. Emily not only makes me a better person, but a
better friend, a better woman, and goddamn if I don’t worship the ground she
walks on (and she knows it too). </div>
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In 2010 I was 28 and creeping closer to 30. I realized we
weren’t married, we didn’t own a house, and we have a mountain of debt. But I
didn’t care. I had what I had always wanted in my life—the love of a beautiful
woman. We’ve been through a lot together; struggled with family
issues—acceptance and rejection—and have also learned to love people for who
they are, not “what” they are. Without Emily...well, let’s just say I have her
to thank for a lot.</div>
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Today I turn 30. I have made my fair share of mistakes over
the years; I’m human. But I learn from my mistakes and for some of those
mistakes, I have made amends with some people; others my sincere apologies have
been rejected for petty reasons such as an ancient grudge or an assumption I am
the same person I used to be. Such is life. At least I can say I tried my hardest to accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I cannot accept.</div>
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In the spirit of being completely honest and upon turning
30, I’m happy to know I’m not the same person I used to be (angry and dishonest
with myself and others, a temper that could only rival my father’s, and
overprotective of the ones I love). As Darwin theorized, people evolve. I have
evolved into someone not only I can be proud of, but that other people can be
proud of as well. Today, at the age of
30, I am blunt, brutally honest, sarcastic, humorous, and just awesome. I
wouldn’t change that for anything.<br />
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Obviously a lot more has happened in my life, but I'm not writing an autobiography here; I'm simply reflecting on certain periods of time that have taught me important lessons about life, love, and happiness.<br />
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To all my loved ones: I am extremely thankful for the love and support I've gotten over the span of my 30 years. You all know who you are. Every single one of you has had an astounding affect on and presence in my life and I am forever grateful. If you're still in my life and know me well, you know I love you from the deepest depths of my heart and always will. To those of you I have lost along the way and are no longer here with us, I love and you miss you terribly. To those of you I have lost by way of losing a relationship for petty reasons, all I can say is you're missing out. That may sound selfish, but I don't care because it's true. I'm not a vain person, nor am I an egotistic SOB. I am just honest and I consider myself to be one of the most loving, caring, selfless people on this planet and the fact that you're not here to see it must suck for you.</div>
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One last thing: the most important lesson I’ve learned in 30 years, and the
lesson I feel everyone should take to heart, is to be 100% truly and completely
honest with yourself. If you’re not, you’re not fooling anyone else but
yourself. And what kind of life is that? Not one I'd like to live ever again, because look what I have to show for being honest with myself:<br />
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<br /></div>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-73186904534031186862012-02-10T14:56:00.002-05:002012-02-10T14:56:12.423-05:00Love Will Get You Higher<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EX-ZnFJbUNg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488988078839451100.post-28347076566081207452011-12-21T15:24:00.005-05:002011-12-21T15:49:16.396-05:00'Twas the Night Before a Lesbian Christmas...<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><style>
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</style> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">‘Twas the night before their lesbian Christmas, when all through the house</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not a body part was stirring, not even under her blouse.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Birkenstocks were hung by the lawnmower with care,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And they hoped that St. Nicholas was actually a sexy woman named Claire.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The lesbians were nestled all snug in their bed,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">While visions of granola and Subarus danced in her head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And Emily in her nightie and I in my corduroy pajama pants from the Gap,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Had just tucked in our papayas for an unusual Florida cold snap.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When out on the lawn there arose such loud obnoxious chatter,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I sprang from my bed and swear I heard my fat cat scatter.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Away to the window I ran in a flash,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Opened the curtain and landed against the wall with a loud crash.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Surprisingly I did not awaken my sleeping lesbian ho,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">For she would have been as surprised as I when I saw what was below.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When, what to my curious eyes should appear,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But a brand new Jeep Wrangler and a pack of lesbians with eight cases of beer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With a hefty and loud driver, a hick with a kick,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I knew in a moment this lesbian was <i>that </i>kind of chick.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Faster than she could say the L-word, her Reindykes they came,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And she whistled and waved and called them by name.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Now Cynthia! Now, Amy Ray! Now, Ellen and Portia,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">On KD Lang! On Melissa! On Tegan and Sara!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To the garage! To the shed! To the porch!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Time to install the decks and the Tiki torch!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As fast as these women can throw and dodge a ball,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">They erected a backyard lesbian oasis without a brawl.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">To the house and garage these women flew,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With a Jeep full of sex toys, softballs, and fanny packs too!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And then in the moment, I heard from one of the back decks,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The stomping of boots like a pack of gay rednecks.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As I closed the curtain and heard a loud click,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In through the door was Rosie O’Donnell, dressed like St. Nicholas as a chick.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She was all dressed in LL Bean flannel from head to toe,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And her chin was stained with a white powder that looked like blow.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A bundle of feminist literature and sports gear she had in her sack,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And as she bent over, I got a good look at her crack.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her hands—how they were calloused! Her arms so thick!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her cheeks were as red as apples and her hair was so slick!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Her big mouth was wide open like a cave,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And the beard on her chin needed a good shave.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The end of a joint she held tightly ‘tween her lips,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And the smoke billowed around her body, even around her hips.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She had a broad face and a big beer gut,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That wobbled when she coughed and even shook her butt.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She was chubby and plump, a typical older lesbian,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And I laughed when I saw her until she gave me the look of a demon.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A sly smirk and a wave of her arm,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Soon gave me to know she meant me no harm.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She spoke not a word, but went straight to work,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Filled all our Birkenstocks, but ignored our Doc Martens (what a jerk).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With her sack empty she walked towards the door,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She gave me a quick nod and ambled out like a wild boar.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">She lumbered towards her Jeep, and to the Reindykes she gave a yell,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And away they drove into traffic of South Florida, also known as hell.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But I heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">“Merry Christmas to you lesbians, and to you a gay night!” </span></div>KC Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05883672424393774535noreply@blogger.com2