Facebook is one of the best social utilities ever created. It connects you with family, friends, old flames, and even enemies. It's a place where you can stalk people, and not get caught. It's a place where you can keep up with each other's lives without putting in too much effort. But sometimes people use it for the wrong purposes.
Are you in one of these categories?
2. The compliment seeker. Did you just get a new haircut? Have an interview for a great job? Get engaged? Great. CALL your friends! Don't simply use Facebook to share your great news so your 429 friends can comment on your status update. Sure, it's okay to share this news, but after three weeks of hearing about your new engagement, and seeing 3 photo albums of the ring on your finger, shot from different angles, we get the point. Time to move on. Talk about something else. There's nothing worse than someone who is so desperate for compliments, it's all you can talk about and think about, to the point that you've stopped caring about anyone else except yourself.
3. The couple who is too much in love and can't stop updating us about it. I'm really happy for you that you found true love. I really am. I have too. But, logging onto Facebook every three minutes to proclaim your undying love for someone is not only annoying, it's pathetic. You already know people are happy for you if you're happy. That doesn't mean that you constantly need to update your status with things like "i can't believe how happy i am...i love you so much and i can't stop thinking about you...you make me complete...xoxoxoxoxo" or that your status consists of a single heart and a series of ... I would personally rather see you and the love of your life having sex than constantly reading this Hallmark, ooey gooey bullshit. I love someone too. She's amazing and I love her with all my heart. But when I want everyone to know we're happy and I know people are happy for us without my having to write sappy love poems every four minutes on my status updates. We get the point.
4. The people who can't spell and/or have horrible grammar. I know not everyone is a good speller. I happen to be one, but I certainly don't expect other people to be. But, it's really not that difficult. In fact, Facebook is like Microsoft Word and allows spell check by underlining your misspelled words with a red line, pointing out your mistake. I especially hate when people misspell words, especially when they're trying to make a point about something important, like a presidential election, politics, social injustice, etc. How am I supposed to take you seriously when you don't know the difference between "you're/your" and "they're/their/there"? Seriously. Not that difficult.
6. The kid obsessed people. Yes, your baby is cute. Congrats. I'm happy for you. But do we really need updates that Baby X just had his first solid poop in a week? Or that Baby X just won't latch onto your nipples? Or how about my favorite, Baby X's 3,098 photo albums that are updated week by week? Seriously? Babies are all the same. Your baby is no different. They all eat, shit, sleep, puke, and then they learn how to walk and talk. I understand as a new parent it's amazing to go through these new experiences, but you're not an innovator. You're a regular parent. Knock it off.
7. The Facebook fad follower. How many of you have seen this: "if you love your (insert family member here) and aren't too proud to say it, post this as your status for an hour"? WTF? Of course I love my family and friends...I don't need your generic status message to say what I want to say. It's like people look in their news feed, find these stupid status updates and copy and paste them as a testament of their love? No, you're dumb. Or how about joining groups or becoming a fan of something? Sure, I'm a fan of gay marriage; doesn't mean I have to join a group about it or become a fan of it, especially when I'll NEVER visit the page again! Or how about the recent group "I bet this pickle can get more fans than Nickleback?" Who the fuck starts this shit? How annoying! Be creative; stop copying other people's shit and facebook fad groups end as quickly as they start and all you're left with is 422 fan/group pages you'll never visit again.
8. The people who quote movies/songs but don't give proper credit. Someone on my friends list quoted a Matt Nathanson song yesterday, "Come on Get Higher" and there were several comments from people saying "OMG that made me cry! Your woman is so lucky!" and "that's some intense shit" and my favorite "that gave me chills". Are you fucking kidding me? This guy did not come up with this on his own! He used someone else's amazing lyrics and used them as his own, and has yet to correct people who have commented. His intentions were good--he was quoting a song to show us the current mood he was in--he's in the military and is missing his pregnant wife. I get that. But, I quote songs and movies all the time--yet, I give proper credit when people comment. I say things like "Oh, that's from this song or that movie". For those of us people who are creative, don't NOT give the proper credit. It makes you look stupid if you don't and you should feel guilty for taking the credit. It's called 'fraud'!
9. The ones who start fights...on purpose. I'm guilty of this one myself, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes when I'm pissed off at someone, I'll update my status to say something and without using direct names, they get the gist of it. Like I said, it's okay to vent, but it's not cool to start fights on people's statuses and walls. I have been known to do it myself and I'm not exempt from this category, but I especially hate the people who start shit and make snide comments, and when I call them out on it, they get all pissed off as if they did nothing wrong! If you have something to say, tell me to my face. Call me up! I do the same for you. And I haven't done this one in a long, long time.
10. The lurkers. Yes, you know who you are. You want to know what's going on in everyone else's life and have opinions about it, yet won't offer anything yourself? You are online. I know you are. You just commented on my status, yet you're not showing up in the chat box. You say it's because you don't want to "chat". Okay, then don't. If someone opens a chat window, just close it and ignore it. That's what I do. I respect your "privacy", but if that's really your goal, why are you even on a public social network? How about sticking to private emails if you can't man up and offer information about your life.