01 February 2011

Facebook Faux Pas Part Deux

About a year ago, I posted Facebook Faux Pas regarding the types of people who use Facebook. This time around, I want to investigate the recent trend of TMGDI, also known as Too Much God Damn Information.

It seems as though 90% of the Facebook population is currently afflicted with this condition and someone needs to come up with a cure!  Now, I am a very open, outspoken person, but even I have limits as to what I want my Facebook "friends" to know about me. I will admit that sometimes I complain about things and vent frustrations but I also know how to deal with these things in real life and know that nothing will ever change if I just dump it on Facebook, like most people who suffer from TMGDI.

If you are one of those afflicted by "TMGDI", here are some topics you should probably avoid...yes, you all know who you are.

1. PERIODS: Women, this is for you. As a woman, I can understand and relate to your monthly mayhem, but not everyone needs to hear about it. Next time you want to complain about your rusty beaver, call your mother or your sister. Do NOT broadcast it on Facebook. Please refrain from writing things like "Cramps and Netflix"; "In dire need of a Super Plus Tampon"; or "I am so cranky because I am bleeding heavily from my period". Please use discretion. If you know you will be tempted to discuss your period on FB, just don't log in for the day. If you're that cranky from your period or laid up in bed with cramps, the last thing on your mind should be Facebook.

2. IBS:  Oh yes, irritable bowel syndrome. Who doesn't want to hear about that? Yes, I recently put up a post about Pee & Poo; however, it was a joke and it was really about a company in Sweden who manufactures Pee & Poo educational toys. There is quite a difference. I do not need to know how badly your bowels are cramping or that you're constipated or anything of the sort.  If you need to complain about your IBS, I suggest you see your doctor immediately.  Again, if you're suffering from IBS, you probably shouldn't even log into FB. You should probably be sitting on the toilet or in a doctor's office. If you simply cannot refrain yourself, at least avoid status updates such as "My asshole is bleeding"; "I haven't shit for days!"; or "My IBS is flaring up again". Seriously, no one cares but you and your doctor, and your MD might not even care that much.

3. RELATIONSHIP/FAMILY/LIFE PROBLEMS: Facebook is not intended to be a reliable substitute for a therapist or even a close friend.  It's one thing to complain about your partner jokingly or allude to a frustration, but it's another to be a constant complainer and post something multiple times a day about how shitty your life is, what an asshole your baby daddy/spouse/wife is, and to actually expect and look forward to your Facebook "friends" to show sympathy and conduct a therapy session online.  If you don't like the weather, move. If you don't like your partner, dump him/her and move on. If you don't like your job, quit. The time you spend on Facebook complaining about this shit, the problem could have been solved if you would try and solve it in real life and not on Facebook.  But, if you are one of those people who really needs to complain about everything on FB, at least try to avoid the following status updates: "Why can't you be loving and caring instead of acting like you hate me?"; "Why am I never good enough?"; "My job/life/wife/husband/baby daddy/house/car sucks". Instead of taking time to write these asinine status updates, maybe you should Google "Marriage Counselor", "Life Coach" or "Match.com" instead of dumping all your drama on the Facebook population.

4. GAMES THAT END IN "VILLE": I have to admit this one doesn't really "fit" with the rest of the topics, but I feel it is necessary to throw it in here anyway.  PLEASE stop sending me shit for games that end in "VILLE". I do NOT play these games, nor will I start. Every time someone comes up with a new 'Ville game, I end up blocking it. I understand the games require you to post stuff so people can help you out with your farm animals, cities, and Oregon Trail frontier shit, but c'mon! Facebook is about connecting with people and staying in touch with people, not about sending me cows, buildings, and horses. I'm not judging those of you who play these games; I'm just asking you to refrain from sending me stuff for these games on a daily basis! If I wanted to milk cows, I'd move back to WI. If I wanted to go to a trading post, I'd hit up the Seminole Indian Reservation.  If I wanted to build a city, I'd go screw Donald Trump and convince him to marry me so we could build a city on Rock 'N Roll. But none of that is going to happen because I simply don't care about any of it!

5. SPORTS UPDATES: It's totally acceptable to be a sports fan; hell, I even enjoy a football game or two.  But, if we wanted to watch the game, we would. Since we are on Facebook, that probably means we could care less about the game. STOP with the constant sports updates. I'm glad you're a fan, but that doesn't mean we need to know who scored what touchdown, goal, or run! If we wanted to know, I guess we'd tune into the same game, wouldn't we? If you're not an ESPN sportscaster, refrain from typing things like "That was a bullshit call!"; "It's your only job to catch the damn ball!"; or "If my team doesn't win, I'm going to kill myself or somebody else". If you're so into the game, why are you on FB in the first place? You should either be at the game, or watching the game in some shit hole bar or on your couch!

For those of you afflicted with TMGDI, I really hope you take my advice to heart. If not, TMGDI might ruin your life.

Pee & Poo

Pee and Poo...two of my favorite topics EVER. It's no secret that I never pass up a chance to talk about pee and poo. Yes, I am rapidly approaching 30, but you'd never know it once I open my mouth.  I can be mature, but most times I constantly say dumb shit and am always trying to be funny (which I'm pretty good at).  I'm never afraid to announce when I have to pee or poop and on some occasions, I also talk about my bodily functions. Not everyone likes it, but hey, I can't please everyone. And I know deep down, they wish they could be as open as I am.

I find it interesting when my pee is blaze orange when I haven't had enough water and am always surprised when my poo is black after drinking Pepto, even though I know it all makes sense. I always wonder why I shiver when I have to pee (although I recently learned the reason for it from a dear friend) and wonder why I always pee when I poop? What's the correlation here?

You might be grimacing right now, but what's the big deal? It's natural! I'm a human; therefore, I have bodily functions. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it is something to discuss!

So, imagine my excitement when I came across the company Pee & Poo.  According to the website, the Pee&Poo brand was established in Stockholm, Sweden, in 2004. Yep. Same country that came up with IKEA, which is also pure genius.

A woman named Emma Megitt founded the company, and the products are used for educational purposes for parents and children.  Besides education, Pee & Poo also serve as cuddly companions for the little ones. These are also great alternatives to children playing with their real pee and poo, which is quite messy and stinky (although this might give kids a mixed message and might confuse parents when their kids say "Mommy! I want to play with my Pee & Poo!" We can only hope the kids are talking about the furry stuffed kind, not the messy stinky kind).

I personally couldn't be happier about this! The website has stuffed pee and poo animals, onesies, undies, keychains, socks, and my personal favorite--temporary tattoos! Imagine the possibilities!

I also discovered a cute little video of Pee & Poo. Watch at your own risk. You might fall in love with these little chunks like I did.

I'm just glad I'm not the only person who is entertained by Pee & Poo. To think how many children and parents around the world are also amused by these little guys. I can't wait to have children so I can have the excuse to order EVERY item in the shop! Wait, F that! I don't need kids to order Pee & Poo! I'm not ashamed that I would spend $32 on these cuddly toilet buddies!

I have made it my personal mission to find and purchase at least something with Pee & Poo on it (I know; I could make something for free at home, but as I stated above, that is messy and stinky and I'm not a toddler...or am I?)

If you're as excited about this as I am (and are damn near peeing and pooing your britches like I am), click here for the link to the Pee & Poo shop and get out your wallets! I know I am!

In the meantime, I'm just going to play a little Pee & Poo memory game!
Made by Lena