02 April 2010

What...A Whopper

A year after Deputy Edward Bylsma ordered a Whopper he'd come to regret, he is filing suit against Burger King, claiming one of their employees spit a huge loogie into his burger. Bylsma says he is seeking a change in Burger King's hiring and supervision policies, although it's not really known what effect one could have that might prevent minimum-wage-earning fast-food employees from taking out their grievances on a customer's food.

In March 2009 in Vancouver, WA, the officer was in full uniform when he went through the BK drive-thru in his marked K-9 patrol car and ordered a Whopper.  When the employee handed the officer his burger, Deputy Bylsma was suspicious his food had been tampered with. (Duh. A cop ordering food? Of course kids will spit in your food). He said when he "carefully unwrapped the burger and pulled the meat patty off the bottom bun [he] found slimy, clear and white phlegm".

Sounds tasty. 

According to Seattle Weekly, "Gary Herb, the 22-year-old Burger King employee who served Bylsma his Whopper, was convicted of third degree assault and served a short stint in jail. DNA testing later revealed it was he who had hocked the mouth missile".  Apparently, there was another employee involved who was not charged and has Hepatitis.

Since the incident, the deputy only eats homemade food (I wonder if he's married or has children, because the likelihood of getting spit in his food high at his own home if he makes his wife mad, or allows his children to make a sandwich for him).  He also suffers from insomnia and worries about contracting Hepatitis or other food borne diseases.

Are you kidding me?  This guy is a cop. He has one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.  And he's losing sleep over spit in his food, food that he didn't even eat? I would think he'd lose sleep over shooting someone, solving a murder, or having to tell next of kin about a horrific accident...but losing sleep over a loogie in your burger? Seriously?

Apparently he's haunted because he's eaten at this particular Burger King before.  Really? On the off chance someone spit in his food before, surely he would have noticed a thick, white substance on his sandwich that was NOT mayo...

And what's with the DNA testing? This isn't a case for Horatio from CSI: Miami! DNA testing is a bit excessive...I bet if this particular incident didn't involve a police officer and instead involved a run of the mill citizen, DNA testing would have been out of the question. And the kid would not have been convicted of 3rd degree assault...Of course, this is not to say I condone the employee's behavior, because I certainly do not. It is vile, disgusting, and completely inappropriate to do that to someone's food, no matter who it is. 

Lessons learned Mr. Officer:
1. Don't order fast food while in uniform.  Ever heard the one about the cop and the donuts?
2.Take an Ambien and get over it already.  Or volunteer for 3rd shift to cure your insomnia. Or shoot and kill a suspect so you have something to really lose sleep about.
3. Go get tested for Hepatitis so you can move on with your life.
4. There's always McDonald's!

One last thing...even though I'm giving this guy a hard time, I sincerely hope he wins his law suit against this giant corporation who hires employees for minimum wage and expects them to actually care about their jobs. This day in age, work ethic=$$$$. Sad, but true.


CelticLady said...

takes all kinds I guess... even obsessive cops...

Sam said...

I worked at a pizza place once and saw a guy lick a burger patty that was sent back after he re-heated it. I was GROSSED out. Someone needs to tell him that the guy was just trying to build up his immune system!

dogimo said...

I think the DNA testing angle's a pretty good move. Widespread use of that + a little judicious jail time, hey, it might prove a deterrent to using one's own bodily fluids during a fast-food sandwich sabotage action.

I'm just sad about this whole thing. I know plenty of places where cops come in and eat, and they love them! My dad was a cop, there's still places in Atlantic City where the dudes behind the counter still know me on sight, from back when he was in uniform. Out in Cali I see cops come into places in uniform all the time and sit down, have a sandwich and a cuppa or whatever. I hate the idea that a cop should expect to get some kind of reprisal for being on duty!

That kid's just a dick, that's all.

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