You Think You Know...But You Have No Idea

I've been requested by fans worldwide to post 25 random things about myself. You all know me pretty well...at least you think you do.

So...here y'all go!

1. I am a pretty rad cook, if I do say so myself. I like to compare myself to the one and only Marty Stew.

2. People think I'm judgmental; I think I'm just honest.

3. One day, I will be on the New York Times Best Seller List, even if it's posthumously.

4. I have a very eclectic taste in books and music. One day, I'm reading a murder mystery by James Patterson while listening to Kings of Leon to reading Jodi Picoult, listening to Tori Amos, all the way to reading British literature listening to Gaelic Storm.

5. I'm obsessed with being Irish, and am damn proud of my roots. I'm Irish 365 days of the year and most people can only say they're Irish on March 17...wannabes.

6. I would love to do stand up comedy with my amazing, hilarious best friend Rae, but we live world's apart, (she lives in the North Pole and I live in South Florida) and I'm not sure anyone outside of family and friends would actually find us that funny, although we are pretty spectacular.

7. I am funny, despite what the previous entry says. I love to make people laugh.

8. I have both my nipples pierced. There. I said it. Now everyone knows. If I were to see you in person, I would probably show you too.

9. I wish Chelsea Handler was on my MyFaves, that Kris Allen would sing to me every night before bed, and someone would bring back tight rolled jeans already!

10. I am obsessed with mullets. It's a love/hate thing. When I see someone sporting a mullet in public, I drop what I'm doing and stare, point, laugh, and am simply awestruck! I love learning knew names for mullets, and revisiting the old ones. I love classifying people's mullets when I am lucky enough to encounter them in the wild, and wish I had enough balls to sport the haircut, although my girlfriend would for sure dump my ass. Although I am the "man" in the relationship, doesn't mean I'm completely "butch", nor does it mean I could ever get away with a mullet, and if I did, I would only do it for one day, just to see what it felt like.

11. I am a shitty (insert your noun of choice here). Trust me, I've been called worse.

12. I love to quote the movie "Anchorman". If you don't like it, don't watch it with me. In fact, there are only two people I can actually watch that movie with, and Rae is one of them...that goes for the movie "Step Brothers" too...

13. I hate people who quote movies.

14. I wish I could be a pirate, or at the very least, a pirate hooker.

15. I wish I could live in a pimped out treehouse, overlooking the ocean.


16. My girlfriend Emily is the best thing that's ever happened to me. She is everything I'm not and she keeps me grounded and sane...and no one has ever accomplished that bold feat. I love you.

17. I eat swearwords like candy.

18. I love my family dearly but hate living with them. Sorry. Before you get upset, remember you feel the same about me.

19. When I become a famous author, I can't wait to see who's going to come out of the woodwork. I have a very strong memory--like a sponge--and I won't forget those of you who have supported me since day 1 and I won't forget those of you who haven't.

20. I love the friends of mine who don't require constant communication to remain close.


21. There are only two people in this world who I give my utmost respect to with absolutely no questions asked. Period. It doesn't matter what they do or say, they will always be my #1. Mom and Dad Kelly. 'Nuff said.

22. I miss my family and friends back in WI and scattered elsewhere across the US...but am really glad we got a fresh start in FL...nothing but positive changes have happened for us.

23. I don't quite know how to say this, but I'm a pretty big deal. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich Mahogany.

24. I am a videogame junkie, but nothing stupid like war games or Final Fantasy 652. LAME.

25. I am offensive, critical, harsh, blunt, and very outspoken and most people don't like it...but don't forget, I am also kind, caring, thoughtful, funny, and charming. You gotta take the good with the bad people!

Like a baker's dozen, here's an extra:

26. Thinks you're all incredibly brave for reading this; And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.

PEACE OUT!!!

Boyz II LAMEn

Who can forget the album Cooleyhighharmony, with tracks like "Motown Philly", "End Of The Road", and "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday"?

This album was one of my favorites growing up in the 90's, along with TLC's "Crazysexycool", and Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Bloodsugarsexmagik", and not because of their run-on names, but because they were simply awesome. As a kid, I do have to admit that I didn't particularly enjoy listening to the albums in their entirety, but what I did like was listening to my favorite songs repeatedly, like "Motown Philly", "Creep", and "Under The Bridge", respectfully.

Over the years, these artists have had a range of success--releasing new albums along with greatest hits albums, RHCP being the most successful of the three, and my personal favorite. TLC and Boyz II Men are both 90's has been artists, and that's where they should stay. No one liked "Fanmail", TLC's album that came out on the brink of 99-00. And I can't remember anyone buying Boyz II Men records unless they were greatest hits albums, of which there are several, although I only remember a handful of "hits". 

Luckily, RHCP was able to break through into the 00's with even better records than the ones they released in the 90's. TLC and Boyz II Men are both talented groups, but let's face it, the white boys of RHCP beat you this time.

But now, Boyz II Men is releasing an album titled "Love", and it features songs about guess what? LOVE.  I want to know how this album is any different than any other album of theirs.  I did some research and found an interview on CNN.com, where Wanya Morris states about the new album, "The title embodies everything that Boyz II Men represents. Every album we have ever done has always had a representation of love."

Thank you Captain Obvious.  Of course all your songs are about love--you are black R&B singers. What else are you going to sing about? That's what R&B is!  This album features a variety of love tunes, including Journey's "Open Arms," the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris," and "In My Life" by the Beatles. Great. So now we can look forward to singles done by white guys covered by suave, cool as a cucumber, sexy black men.

Sorry guys, but this album is a stretch.  While I appreciate your creativity and musical talent, I can't help but wonder if this was your idea, or if Randy Jackson from American Idol had too much influence on you boyz to sing cover songs instead of writing your own? I mean, that's what they do on American Idol, right?

I liked you better with when you sported sexy flat tops while singing "I'll Make Love To You".  Nothing, and I mean nothing, can beat that.

Military FAIL

My heart goes out to all the victims of the Ft. Hood shootings and I cannot believe how many people were slaughtered at the hands of one man, a man these people should have been able to trust.  Instead, he turned on his own country, on his own soldiers, and ruined the lives of hundreds of people.

As most of you know, Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan opened fire in Ft. Hood on November 5, killing 13 people and wounding approximately 42.  According to CNN.com, Major Hasan, urged in 2007, "that Muslims in the U.S. Army be allowed to claim conscientious objector status when it comes to fighting other Muslims in war."

Am I the only one who has an issue with this statement? No? I didn't think so. Last time I checked, when you enlist with the US Military, it's all or nothing.  You don't hear Christians begging to leave Iraq because they want to celebrate Easter, or Jews getting upset when they see a Christmas Tree on post.

Unfortunately for America, this worthless human being is an American, ONLY because he was born on American soil.  He is a Muslim, pure and simple, and what's sad, is that Muslims, for the most part, are a generally peaceful people! Epic FAIL my foe, epic fail.

Hasan went on to say, during a slide show in 2007, "It's getting harder and harder for Muslims in the service to morally justify being in a military that seems constantly engaged against fellow Muslims".  I understand where he's coming from, not wanting to violently fight with fellow Muslims, but maybe he should have thought about that before he joined the United States Army. 

He also argues, "Muslims [sic] soldiers should not serve in any capacity that renders them at risk to hurting/killing believers unjustly."  What a hypocrite!  If you replace the word "Muslim" with "US Soldiers", the sentence would read "US Soldiers should not serve in any capacity that renders them at risk to hurting/killing US soldiers unjustly."  He goes against everything he was trying to prove in the first place! So, it's NOT okay to engage in warfare against your "fellow Muslims", but it's okay to slaughter innocent "fellow" American soldiers?

I know there are many soldiers who join the military for other reasons besides engaging in warfare. Some do it because they believe it's their duty as Americans, others do it because they are headed nowhere in life and need some direction, and some do it because it's a family tradition.  I believe when you join the military, you do it simply because you're American, and you will uphold what is expected of you as a soldier, no matter what happens.

What about the soldiers in the civil war, engaging in warfare against "fellow Americans?" There was a reason the north was fighting the south, just as there's a reason why America is one of the many countries fighting for peace in the Middle East!

It's none of our business what religion this man belongs to, or what he chooses to wear outside of his Army life, but it is our business why an American born Muslim US Army psychologist flew so low under the radar that no one had just an inkling that he might be a loaded gun, pun intended.  Of course, his actions could be seen as unexpected, but maybe someone should have sent him to counseling or discharge him or even refuse a reenlistment after his 2007 slide show performance where he clearly makes his concerns known!

The United States won't allow gays in the military, but they'll allow American born Muslims to enlist, knowing full well America is ALWAYS at war with the Middle East?  I say, DO ASK. and DO TELL.  For people who are supposed to be protecting our country, maybe you shouldn't allow just anyone to join!  Come on! Yes, of course Hasan is correct in saying it is a conflict of interest; however, he is the one who chose to enlist and it's up to the people who rule our country to use some discretion!  Say I'm being racist, say I'm being judgmental, say what you want.  Truth is, this guy is about as American as illegal immigrants. 

The latest news is that Hasan is paralyzed from the waist down, and has pains in his hands.  Boo fucking hoo. Cry me a river you murderer! Awesome that this guy is American, and as a "civilized" nation, we can't put this parapalegic murdering fuckstick in front of a firing squad, or better yet, in the many torture contraptions from the movie Saw until he suffers the same fate as his victims.  Instead, he will get due process, will probably get a slap on the wrist, and enjoy all the wonderful amenities of a medium security prison in the United States.

If I were a doctor or nurse in charge of taking care of him, I would have an extremely difficult time living up to my Hippocratic Oath to ethically practice medicine and save this man's life. I would be tempted to amputate his now paralyzed legs with a hacksaw, or cut his dick and pour rubbing alcohol on it, or more humanely (although he doesn't deserve it), put a pillow over his face until he stopped breathing.

I am not a supporter of the Death Penalty, mainly because it's proven to be way too costly, ineffective, and I would rather have people suffer on a daily basis for their crimes rather than be allowed the easy way out by lethal injection; however, at least if he's convicted, he will be eligible for the death penalty.

I hope he gets a front row seat right next to Scott Peterson.  Actually, I hope he gets shanked in prison, and bleeds out while everyone watches him die in his wheelchair. That's real justice.

And The Award Goes To...

No, it's not as glorious as receiving an Oscar, or a Grammy, but damnit, as a blogger, it's the next best thing!

I received this award from the clever, witty, and often hilarious Dave Wills, someone I have never met in person, but honestly believe that if we did, we would do nothing but laugh and make fun of everyone and everything.

On his blog, Mark My Words, he writes the entry "I Lost My Virginity Last Weekend, "KC Kelly at The Other 98¢. Great comedic, funny and interesting opinions and stories on life, people, news and everything in between."
 
So, thanks Dave for the award and for thinking of me. Glad you enjoy my blog, as I do yours.



The rules for this award process are simple.
1. Copy the image.
2. Post in my blog.
3. Award seven other bloggers who should receive the award.
4. Make a list of ten creative things about myself.

NOMINEES:

1. Book Blog O' The Irish. I nominate Kathleen Kelly, A) because she's my mom and B) because she has a very interesting blog, which keeps her very busy and gets a lot of traffic.  Although her page and blog is in the process of changing, it is a book blog, primarily Irish and British books, but others as well.  She includes Irish history, giveaways, and is an official book reviewer.  Head on over and check it out! Love you Mom!

2.  Children of the 90's.  Self explanatory.  Genius. Hilarious. Anything and everything about the 90's, from popular TV shows to board games, to food and drink fads.  Best pop culture blog I have ever read.  Thanks for being so creative and reminding me how thankful I am to be a child of the 90's (best decade EVER).

3. 1,000 Words.  Awesome photography blog with the premise that a picture is worth a 1,000 words, but after looking through their photos and reading their blogs, their pictures are worth way more than that.  Brilliant photographers.

3.  Funny Word of The Day.  This blog is creative and points out weird and funny words in the English language, of which there are many.  She explains the word, the origins, and puts her own personal spin on the words.  Clever and always interesting to read.

4. Grumpy Old Twat.  This guy says anything and everything and knows no boundaries.  I praise him for being offensive, swearing, and putting his thoughts out there.  I am often like him, not afraid to speak my mind, but I usually get in trouble.  So, I share your sentiment "if you are easily offended by me and my friends, I suggest you fuck the fuck off". LOVE that mantra and think more people need to follow it rather than tiptoe around everyone.

5.  The Dirty Whore Handbook. This one can speak for itself.  Hilarious rules to follow for all you ladies who want to be a DW...don't think it's easy, because it's not. It is an art you have to learn and practice.

6. The Rest is Still Unwritten.    David doesn't consider himself a writer, but I highly disagree. Maybe he's not a novelist, or a poet, but he is a mighty fine blogger with a lot to say. His blog is clever, brilliant, and he is a very talented writer.  Think you need to redo your bio, my friend.  You are amazing.

7. 365 Days of People.  Clever, funny, blog featuring 365 days of people. His blog says "I Watch. I Judge. I Write. Here is the Proof."  He explores many types of people, from Asians to people who invade your space, and his writing is hilarious and often very, scarily, true.


Now that's done, here's the last part.

TENS
1.  I am a pretty rad cook, if I do say so myself.

2.  People think I'm judgmental, but I consider it simple honesty.

3.  One day, I will be on the New York Times Best Seller List, even if it's posthumously.

4.  I have a very eclectic taste in books and music.  One day, it's a murder mystery by James Patterson while listening to Kings of Leon to reading Jodi Picoult, listening to Tori Amos, all the way to reading British literature listening to Gaelic Storm.

5.  I'm obsessed with being Irish, and am damn proud of my roots.

6.  I would love to do stand up comedy with my amazing, hilarious best friend Rae, but we live world's apart, (she lives in the North Pole and I live in South Florida) and I'm not sure anyone outside of family and friends would actually find us that funny, although we are pretty spectacular.

7.  I am funny, despite what the previous entry says. I love to make people laugh.

8.  I have both my nipples pierced. There. I said it. Now everyone knows.  If I were to see you in person, I would probably show you too.

9.  I wish Chelsea Handler was on my MyFaves, that Kris Allen would sing to me every night before bed, and someone would bring back tight rolled jeans already!

10. I am obsessed with mullets. It's a love/hate thing. When I see someone sporting a mullet in public, I drop what I'm doing and stare, point, laugh, and am simply awestruck! I love learning knew names for mullets, and revisiting the old ones. I love classifying people's mullets when I am lucky enough to encounter them in the wild, and wish I had enough balls to sport the haircut, although my girlfriend would for sure dump my ass. Although I am the "man" in the relationship, doesn't mean I'm completely "butch", nor does it mean I could ever get away with a mullet, and if I did, I would only do it for one day, just to see what it felt like.

Thaw--Fiona Robyn

I came across this woman's blog on my mom's blog.  Told her I'd help out. As a fellow novelist, it is my duty to help other writers in need, no matter their cause. And after doing some research and checking it out, the book looks great and would be a book I would definitely purchase were I in a bookstore!!! 

Here is one of the many links to come!

Thaw Blogsplash - I need your help!

Ruth is 32 and she doesn't know if she wants to be 33. She commits to writing a journal for three months before she make her final decision.

Ruth's diary is my novel, Thaw, and on March the 1st 2010 I will start blogging the entire thing here.

I'd like as many people as possible to hear about the opportunity to read Thaw for free. I'm asking bloggers to participate in a Blogsplash on the 1st of March 2010. They'll publish the first page of Ruth's diary on their blogs, with a link on the bottom to my blog so people can continue reading.

If you're a blogger and you'd like to join in, email me at fiona@fionarobyn.com or leave a comment here. Once you're on the list I'll add your blog to Friends of Thaw.

If you'd like to read Thaw online, put your email in the box below and sign up to 'Fiona Robyn's Quarterly Newsletter' and I'll send you a reminder just before it gets going.

If anyone has any other ideas for getting the word out (i.e. if you want to interview me or if you have any contacts in the media) I'd love to hear from you.

Thank you, wonderful bloggers and blogreaders.

Her Uterus Will Go On

Let me first preface this by saying I am not, by any means, a Céline Dion fan by any sense of the word.  Not my type of music, not a big fan of her as a musician, and I am most certainly creeped out by her husband, René Angélil. And this news just makes it worse.

The creepy Canadian couple are trying to get pregnant. Again. 

Perhaps what bothers me the most is the fact that this couple isn't focusing on Céline's musical career, or her many Vegas shows like they should be...I mean, she hasn't had a hit since the Titanic sunk, so...  No. They are focusing instead on having another baby!  There's a catch though...Céline cannot get pregnant without the help of science, which isn't that surprising, considering her husband was born a year after Pearl Harbor was attacked.  Any man in his late 60's should need the help of science not only to achieve an erection, but also to make baby batter!

René is 67 years old, and Céline is 41.  Together, their combined age is 108 years.  My problem isn't the fact these two are trying to have a child, my concern is for the unborn child being born to two parents who are eligible for AARP and Medicaid. It's bad enough they already parented a child in 2001, a boy who is now 8 years old, with parents who are 67 and 41. Neat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, age is just a number...try telling that to a 15 year old boy whose father just died from a heart attack, and a mother who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer! Sure, these can happen to any family at any time, but the chances are higher, the older you get.

Let me say that my own father is 67 years old, the same age as René, and I cannot imagine having an 8-year old sibling, or accepting the fact that my parents are trying to have more children at their ages!!! Boy do I feel sorry for their young boy, not just because he has a senior citizen for a father, or the fact that René was nearly 30 before Céline was born, but because his parents are Céline and René!

If they do end up getting pregnant vis a vis test tubes and sperm squirts and whatever else is involved in VF, when the child is 5 years old, he'll have to be changing his father's diapers!!!  Talk about role reversal! I just don't think it's fair to bring children into this world (celebrity or not) after a certain age.  Your babymaking years are behind you, so far in fact, they are a mere speck in the distance.

Try adoption.  Or fostering a child.  Both are less expensive (not like you have to worry), intrusive, and a more fair way of bringing a child into this world.

Maybe Céline wants to have as many children as she can because she herself is the youngest of fourteen children.  Stop being selfish and think about your future children.  Do you want them to play with trucks and Legos, or administer blood pressure meds and morphine to their parents before they're teenagers?

Céline, I promise you, both your heart and uterus will go on without polluting the planet with more scientifically made test tube babies. And the world will thank you.

Curiousity Got The Katt Arrested

Clearly, celebs are capable of just about anything...and what's worse, they get away with it!!!

Chris Brown can abuse his girlfriend, and still sell records.  OJ can get away with murder, although he was caught stealing.  MJ can have kids sleep in his bed while he gives them milk and cookies and calls the experience, "charming"; meanwhile, MJ still has the best selling album of all time.  And Lindsay Lohan can get arrested for a DUI and only spend 84 minutes in jail.  Most of these celebs have the WORST mug shots...that is, except for Katt Williams.

The most recent celeb arrest is Katt Williams, a hilarious and renowned comedian, who was arrested for burglary in Atlanta, GA.  Why the F would Katt Williams need to burglarize someone? What could a house possibly have inside it that Katt Williams either doesn't have, or doesn't wear himself?  I mean, the guy is always decked out in expensive clothes, jewelry, and shoes...

Apparently, Katt was a guest at the house he is accused of burglarizing. According to CNN.com, "The house, on a horse farm in rural west Georgia, is owned by record producer Barry Hankerson...Williams has been living in the Coweta County, Georgia, home for nearly a month while filming a movie produced by Hankerson".  Williams was arrested after one of Hankerson's employees called the police and reported that Williams had broken into the house with a crowbar.

According to the police report, "about $3,500 in jewelry and collectable coins were stolen."  Again, why would Katt Williams steal jewelry and coins that total mere pocket change for him? Does this look like someone who needs to steal jewelry and coins? No...the sock he wears on his left foot is more expensive than my humble Saturn Vue.

The whole situation is ridiculous and I think the grounds for arrest are stupid, especially because he had permission to stay in that house indefinitely during filming!  Whether it's true or not, the sad thing is, because Katt's a celebrity automatically means either all charges will be dropped, or he might spend 43 minutes in jail. 

Either way, Katt is one of the celebs who I will continue to cheer on...I like Chris Brown, although he pulverized Rihanna's face; I still love the movies "Mean Girls" and "Georgia Rule" although LiLo is a d-bag; and MJ's death saddened me on a deep level...so Katt, you still rock and you are possibly the ONLY celeb I have ever seen beam so widely in your mugshot...


One more thing...Flava Flav called and wants his outfit back...and he's missing his clock and whores too...

License to Fail

I passed the written test and driver's test for my driver's license on the first try, shortly after my 16th birthday.  A few of my friends failed on the first attempt, but for obvious reasons like running over the curb, hitting another car, or forgetting to buckle the seatbelt.  Point is, a driver's test is not that difficult and there really is no excuse why anyone should fail the first time...or second time...or third time...or the 949th time, like one Korean woman.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, of South Korea apparently can't pass the written test for her driver's license.  I can't help but wonder--can she even read?  That would be my first guess.  If she can read, then what is her deal? Is her IQ below 35?  Is she blind? Or is she really that dumb?

According to MSNBC.com, she has tried to "pass the written exam for a driver's license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time".

Even more amazing is that this woman spent 5 million won (USD $4,200) in application fees for the same damn test!  She could have saved that money by taking the bus, a cab, or even walking!

What I really want to know is why now, in her 50 some years of being eligible for a driver's license, why she chose to start in the last few years?  Maybe she didn't need it before; maybe she was married and her husband wouldn't allow it; maybe she couldn't afford it.  Yes, there are multiple maybes, but maybe she shouldn't have waited until she was dependent on a walker, was a full member of AARP, and had more wrinkles than Bea Arthur's inner thighs to get her license!!!

Perhaps the funniest part about this story is the fact that she spent so many years, so much money, on JUST the written part of the test! Now, she has to pass the actual driving portion, and I just want to say that I am thankful I am not living in Jeonju (130 miles South of Seoul) when she goes for that test.  Who knows how long that will take her?  Every day for another 4 years? At that rate, she'll be 72 before she's actually allowed to drive.

Here's a tip for you lady--move to Florida; if you have a pulse, the state of Florida will NOT hesitate to give you a driver's license, and you can even take the test in a variety of languages!  Don't feel too bad though; the Florida DOT is just as dumb as you are.

Forgettable Sex?

Have you ever had unforgettable sex? The kind of sex where you don't want it to end, and when it does, you carve it into your memory so it will never be forgotten?  Well, I've recently learned that there is such a thing as "f**king your brains out.

Enter a woman named Alice.  She had sex with her husband one morning, and then within moments, she forgot everything and started acting strangely.  If I were her husband, I would have been offended that the sex was forgettable.  But little did they know that Alice was suffering from amnesia.

Apparently, the sex was either mind blowingly amazing, or so blasé she forgot all about it as her husband turned on the TV during their post coital cuddling.  According to the article on CNN.com, Alice appeared confused and perplexed when she saw the Olympics on TV.  Her husband Scott asked her who the president was, and she said "Clinton" (this happened in 2008).

At this point, I think Scott should be proud of himself for porking his wife so good, that she was blown away and couldn't remember simple facts.  Unfortunately for Alice, this was a more serious condition than just the side effects of good sex.

Alice was suffering from Transient Global Amnesia, which "usually occurs after the person engages in strenuous activity -- such as having sex, vigorously exercising, suddenly immersing into icy or hot water, straining to dig a stuck car or even bumping the head".  Patients who have a history of migraines and headaches are more likely to get TGA as some people report getting terrible head pains related to orgasms, called coital headaches.

The amnesia didn't last too long, but it surely freaked out both Alice and Scott, and even their children learned more about their parents' sex lives than they bargained for.  The funniest part of this story is not the fact this woman got her "brains f**ked out", but the fact that "Alice says the amnesia had not deterred her sex life, but she avoids having intercourse when she has a headache. She tells her husband, 'So sorry, you can wait.'"

Isn't that the oldest line in the book for women who don't want to have sex? Blame it on a headache?  Not anymore ladies...instead, we get to start using TGA as our next excuse NOT to have sex with you. 

Salsa, Sangria, and South Beach

November is National Novel Writing Month, and for my first time ever, I am participating in NaNoWriMo.  I have 30 days to write a novel that is 50,000 words or more.  On average, I have to write 1,667 words per day if I am to meet my deadline.  Given that I will be out of town for about 4 days and moving to a new apt. for about 2 days in November, I have to kick it up a gear and write at least triple that each day.


For this challenge, I decided to approach "chick lit", a genre I used to read in college, but have outgrown as a reader.  For those of you who don't know, "chick lit" is like a "chick flick", but literature, which is a genre of women's fiction that is written and marketed for young and single working women in their 20's.  "Chick lit" often features professional, strong, and independent working women, mostly in the publishing, writing, law, and journalism fields.  It almost always takes place in large metropolitan areas like New York and London, and often makes use of sex, slang and multiple cliches.

Sex and the City is a great example of "chick lit", as well as any Red Dress Ink book on the market today.  Although these books are cliche and have common and often predicable story lines, they are still bestsellers.  People are saps for love stories with happy endings, especially single women in their 20's.


Below I have featured a short blurb for my story.  Keep in mind--it is subject to change as the novel writing process is fluid and constantly changing.  Yes, it is cliche. Yes, you have probably read books or seen movies with a similar storyline.  It is my job, however, to make it as original and clever as I possibly can.  If you were into reading "chick lit", and this blurb was on the back cover, I hope you would pick it up and buy the book.  Although this is still a synopsis, in 30 days, it will be a full novel. Wish me luck!!!

Salsa, Sangria, and South Beach

  

     Zoë Martin is a fierce and feisty Toronto reporter, who is assigned to a story that will either make or break her career, a challenge she has been waiting for years to take.  What she doesn't know is her personal life is about to break wide open when she uncovers the slimy truth about her fiancé Etienne. 

     Desperate for a fresh start, Zoë escapes her life in Toronto and follows her "snowbird" parents to South Beach for the winter.  Zoë spends the first two weeks locked away in their rented beach house, watching Lifetime movies and feeling sorry for herself, while her parents enjoy the sun, sand, and surf. 

     

After a surprise visit from her best friend Collette, Zoë is rejuvenated and finally heads out to explore and flaunt her newly single self.  Her very first day on the beach, she unluckily encounters a stingray and meets the South Florida sun and ultimately suffers both painful stings and severe sunburn.  Frustrated and in pain, Zoë cannot seem to catch a break...that is, until she meets a man who will change the way she approaches life, love, and everything in between.

    

Enter Sebastian Santiago, the sexy, irresistible lifeguard who administers first aid to Zoë's many wounds, and eventually administers healing powers through salsa dancing, sangria, and a late night rendezvous.

     After meeting Sebastian and living life the South Beach way, Zoë discovers herself in ways that shock and pleasantly surprise her.  Back in Toronto, she has unknowingly become a local celebrity from her scandal causing, career-making story, the same story that uncovered the truth about Etienne, and her boss Serge offers her a promotion she can’t refuse…When Etienne hears about her new zest for life and celeb status, he decides he wants her back and travels thousands of miles to prove it.  Will the new, relaxed, and spontaneous life Sebastian and South Beach have shown her be enough to make her stay, or will the promise of a brilliant career and a devoted husband tempt her into settling back into her once comfortable life?