So...here y'all go!
1. I am a pretty rad cook, if I do say so myself. I like to compare myself to the one and only Marty Stew.
2. People think I'm judgmental; I think I'm just honest.
3. One day, I will be on the New York Times Best Seller List, even if it's posthumously.
4. I have a very eclectic taste in books and music. One day, I'm reading a murder mystery by James Patterson while listening to Kings of Leon to reading Jodi Picoult, listening to Tori Amos, all the way to reading British literature listening to Gaelic Storm.
5. I'm obsessed with being Irish, and am damn proud of my roots. I'm Irish 365 days of the year and most people can only say they're Irish on March 17...wannabes.
6. I would love to do stand up comedy with my amazing, hilarious best friend Rae, but we live world's apart, (she lives in the North Pole and I live in South Florida) and I'm not sure anyone outside of family and friends would actually find us that funny, although we are pretty spectacular.
7. I am funny, despite what the previous entry says. I love to make people laugh.
8. I have both my nipples pierced. There. I said it. Now everyone knows. If I were to see you in person, I would probably show you too.
9. I wish Chelsea Handler was on my MyFaves, that Kris Allen would sing to me every night before bed, and someone would bring back tight rolled jeans already!
10. I am obsessed with mullets. It's a love/hate thing. When I see someone sporting a mullet in public, I drop what I'm doing and stare, point, laugh, and am simply awestruck! I love learning knew names for mullets, and revisiting the old ones. I love classifying people's mullets when I am lucky enough to encounter them in the wild, and wish I had enough balls to sport the haircut, although my girlfriend would for sure dump my ass. Although I am the "man" in the relationship, doesn't mean I'm completely "butch", nor does it mean I could ever get away with a mullet, and if I did, I would only do it for one day, just to see what it felt like.
11. I am a shitty (insert your noun of choice here). Trust me, I've been called worse.
12. I love to quote the movie "Anchorman". If you don't like it, don't watch it with me. In fact, there are only two people I can actually watch that movie with, and Rae is one of them...that goes for the movie "Step Brothers" too...
13. I hate people who quote movies.
14. I wish I could be a pirate, or at the very least, a pirate hooker.
15. I wish I could live in a pimped out treehouse, overlooking the ocean.
16. My girlfriend Emily is the best thing that's ever happened to me. She is everything I'm not and she keeps me grounded and sane...and no one has ever accomplished that bold feat. I love you.
17. I eat swearwords like candy.
18. I love my family dearly but hate living with them. Sorry. Before you get upset, remember you feel the same about me.
19. When I become a famous author, I can't wait to see who's going to come out of the woodwork. I have a very strong memory--like a sponge--and I won't forget those of you who have supported me since day 1 and I won't forget those of you who haven't.
20. I love the friends of mine who don't require constant communication to remain close.
21. There are only two people in this world who I give my utmost respect to with absolutely no questions asked. Period. It doesn't matter what they do or say, they will always be my #1. Mom and Dad Kelly. 'Nuff said.
22. I miss my family and friends back in WI and scattered elsewhere across the US...but am really glad we got a fresh start in FL...nothing but positive changes have happened for us.
23. I don't quite know how to say this, but I'm a pretty big deal. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich Mahogany.
24. I am a videogame junkie, but nothing stupid like war games or Final Fantasy 652. LAME.
25. I am offensive, critical, harsh, blunt, and very outspoken and most people don't like it...but don't forget, I am also kind, caring, thoughtful, funny, and charming. You gotta take the good with the bad people!
Like a baker's dozen, here's an extra:
26. Thinks you're all incredibly brave for reading this; And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.