23 October 2009

Bears On Ice

Not surprising, "Russia has a long-standing tradition of training bears to perform tricks such as riding motorcycles, ice skating, and playing hockey. Fatal attacks are unusual".  Still, I have to say, WTF!?!?!?

To sum up the story, a bear on ice skates attacked two people during rehearsals, and killed one of them.  Instead of pulling a Tonya Harding and using a metal pole, the bear used his instincts and claws to maul people.

My first complaint about this story is obviously the fact the most obvious: a bear in ice skates.  This is not a cartoon where the bear can skate better than Brian Boitano!!  It is life and bears do not belong in goddamn ice skates!

The article goes on to state, "It is unclear what caused the bear to attack Potapov, 25, nearly severing one of his legs while dragging him across the ice by his neck".  Bitch, please.  Unclear? Really? Let me make it clear for you: YOU PUT A BEAR IN ICE SKATES! If I were that bear, I would have mauled your stupid ass too!!!

The worst part about this story isn't the animal cruelty associations like ASPCA strive to avoid, it's the fact that the bear suffered the same outcome as the person he attacked.  This bear was shot dead at the scene because he killed the stupid human who put him in ice skates in the first place.

Lesson #1: Do NOT play with wild animals, train them to do tricks, or put them in ice skates, or you will die.  (Cases in point: Enter Roy Horn from Siegried & Roy and Steve Irwin; one is scarred for life and the other no longer has a life).

Lesson #2: Moscow, Russia needs an ASPCA ass whooping!

Lesson #3: Wild animals will NEVER lose their wild instincts, no matter how "tame" they are.  Wild animal + humans=DEATH!

Lesson #4: You should be shot, maimed, and tortured for cruelly abusing this poor animal, for getting upset that he mauled and killed someone, and then for shooting him because he is a "wild, out of control" animal!!! NO SHIT!!!

One more thing...just because Disney on Ice is popular here in America, does not mean you should mimic the show and come up with your own: "Bears on Ice" in RomaniTurkmeniKrgyzYugoChezhUkrainUssia, or wherever the fuck you idiots live.


Tara said...

Ok wow really? What idiot decided that was a good idea?

Stacie said...

I want an ocelot for a pet, so I decided to research and see if anyone had any luck keeping them. This is what the Zoo's website said:

" When you see an ocelot, you may wish that you had one at home, but wild cats do not make good pets. Some pet ocelots in Florida escaped—or were released when people realized that they are not nice or cuddly."

And I was sad.

Wild animals belong in the wild, not in roller skates.

Brannon said...

I love this and agree, especially with lesson #4!

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