Who Wants A Mustache Ride???

Don't ask me how, but somehow I seem to come across the most amazing information.  Today, I learned about the American Mustache Institute, located in St. Louis, MO.  According to the website, "AMI is an advocacy organization protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache".


The AMI not only outlines the history of the mustache, the different types of mustaches, but also lists contests and events honoring the mustache.  The most recent contest is the 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year, where you can visit the website and vote for your favorite mustached American.  The winner will be announced on October 30, 2009 at Stache Bash 2009, which happens to be exactly two years after Robert Goulet passed away.

Besides my obsession with mullets, I have to say I am deeply entranced and wonder struck by mustaches.  My dad has had one, at least since I was born, if not before, and when asked to shave it, he starts getting facial tics, breathing heavily, and beads of sweat form on his upper lip, oddly enough, on the skin under his mustache.  It's become a part of him, a limb of sorts. If he were to lose his mustache, it'd be like losing an arm or a leg, and that would make anyone nervous.

I probably wouldn't even recognize my own father without that salt and pepper mustache, and I'm pretty sure if he could place a monetary value on it, he would.  Don't forget to write your mustache into your will Papa Kelly.  There's no way Tom Kelly would shave off his mustache--not on a dare, not with a threat of a deadly mustache bacteria, not even with the offer of one million bucks!  The AMI would be proud of you for that.


I feel that if one day you did decide to shave off your stache, this is what you'd look like--Alex Trebek sans a stache.


Thanks to the AMI website, I am sharing with you a few different types of mustaches.  So Dad, if you're reading this, be prepared for a nomination into the 2010 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year contest next year. I'm not sure under which category your mustache falls, but they might have to make a new category of mustache known as "America's Oldest, Living, Breathing Mustache" or "Salt n Pepa Stache".  You would win in both categories. For sure. 

Chevron

A thick and wide mustache, usually worn long to cover the top border of the upper lip.

Dali

A narrow mustache with long points bent or curved steeply upward. Named for artist Salvador Dali.

English

A narrow divided mustache that begins at the middle of the upper lip, with long whiskers pulled to either side of the center. The areas beyond the corners of the mouth are typically shaved.

Fu manchu

A mustache that begins on the upper lip and whose whiskers are grown very long to extend down each side of the mouth down to the to jaw. The areas just past the corners of the mouth are shaven, thus differentiating this style from the "horseshoe" (see below).

Handlebar

A handlebar mustache can be worn large or small ("petit handlebar"); it is characterized by the fact that it is bushy and must be worn long enough to curl the ends upward, which is usually achieved with styling wax.

Horseshoe

A full moustache with vertical extensions grown on the corners of the lips and down the sides of the mouth to the jawline, resembling an upside-down horseshoe. The whiskers grown along the sides of the mouth in the horseshoe are sometimes referred to as "pipes." Not to be confused with the "fu manchu" which is grown long from the upper lip only-- the sides remain shaven in the fu manchu.

Imperial

A large mustache growing from both the upper lip and cheeks, whiskers from the cheeks are styled pointing upward.

Lampshade

A mustache similar to the "painter's brush," but with corners angled slightly, resembling the shape of a lampshade.

Painter's brush

A thick mustache covering the width of the mouth, usually worn short, with slightly rounded corners.

Pencil

A thin, narrow, closely clipped mustache that outlines the upper lip. Pencil style mustaches can be trimmed in different manners (see below). Also sometimes called a "mouthbrow."

Pyramidal

A general name for mustaches shaped narrow on top and wide on the bottom, like a pyramid. Pyramidal mustaches can be shaped in a variety of ways, as shown below.

Toothbrush

A thick mustache, shaved to be about an inch wide in the center.

Walrus

A large, bushy, droopy mustache that hangs down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth.

For your entertainment, I have included a list of my top ten favorite mustached people:

1. Tom Kelly (see above pic)

2. Tom Selleck

3. Ron Jeremy

4. Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell in Anchorman)

5. Burt Reynolds

6. Geraldo Rivera

7. Johnny Depp

8. Martin Luther King Jr.

9. Borat

10. Alex Trebek

P.S. Milk or Koolaid mustaches don't count.