Fame vs Infamy

Seriously?!?! What's next for Kate G? First, she was on Discovery, then TLC, then she and her hubby graced every magazine cover and tabloid cover for a year, and now she's on ABC on the show "Dancing With The Stars".  My question is, how did this happen? And NOW she wants to grace the cover of Playboy?

That's the newest on "Momzilla", aka Kate Gosselin.  According to CNN.com, "When asked if there was any possibility that the mother-of-eight would grace the glossy covers of Playboy, Hugh Hefner says, “No! No!” And the original playboy added insult to injury by suggesting he doesn’t even know why she’s on Dancing with the Stars. Hef explained, “I don’t think she’s a celebrity.”

You know Hef, I don't usually agree with you or your tactics; quite frankly, I think you're an old pervert, but I couldn't agree with you more. Not only is she an ogre, inside and out, but she's not even a celebrity/star! And I certainly can't imagine Hef posing for a pic like this any time soon:

Shallow? Yes. But that's how Hugh is. He didn't get to where he is today by hanging out with women like Kate Gosselin.  So why would he allow her to be in his magazine, or possibly even own one? And yes, that is a real pic of Kate G (see my blog post about that pic here).

Kate has recently received a makeover for DWTS, a makeover where she's barely recognizable until she opens her mouth, or makes any facial expression.  If she just stands in one spot and smiles like a mannequin, no one would really know it was her, especially without the backwards mullet she sported for years! But she is incapable of doing that.  She's always making a sour face and when she opens her mouth, nothing but toxic words ooze out.  So she has had an ego boost about her makeover, but I think she's forgotten everything else.  Luckily for her, I haven't.

Not only has Kate had 8 children, plastic surgery, and a partial lobotomy, but it's bad enough we have to see her face and listen to her talk, let alone possibly see her pink panther?!  I mean, next time someone has sex with her (if EVER anyone will go there), it'll be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway! Kate, Your love triangle is bent way out of shape, not to mention your boobs from breast feeding more offspring than a barnyard animal...there's only so much air brushing can actually do for you!

It's time for you to face the music.  No one wants to see your naked body, not even your husband (hence why he cheated) so what makes you think the rest of America wants to.  On top of that, learn to dance already or get off the damn show!

Apparently, "Dancing judge Bruno Tonioli visited Lopez Tonight on April 7 and while he didn’t question Kate’s celebrity status he did call her ballroom skills 'dreadful', 'a catastrophe' and 'crap.'" All adjectives that can also be used to describe Kate as a person!

Instead of Kate focusing on pretending to dance on DWTS or thinking her 35-year old mombody is actually attractive and good enough to be in Playboy magazine, she really needs to learn the difference between fame and infamy. Since I know she won't do it herself, I'll help you out.

Fame: the state or quality of being widely honored and acclaimed.  Fame refers to renown and reputation, or a position of public prominence. All of the associations with fame are generally positive, implying the person is respected and honored as well as being famous.
 Infamy: a state of extreme dishonor. The associations with infamy are negative, suggesting that although someone and his or her actions are well known, many people wish that this was not the case.

People who are famous: Michael Jackson. Muhammad Ali.  Amelia Earhart. Leonardo DiVinci.
 People who are infamous:  John Dillinger.  Charles Manson. Ted Bundy.  Hitler.  Jon & Kate Gosselin.  

Keep that in mind next time you get a hair brained idea to try and get on the cover of Playboy.  Chelsea Handler, Kate Beckinsale, Angelina Jolie...now they belong on the cover.  Kate G? Not so much.  That's like asking the mom from the TLC show "19 Kids & counting" to let the world see her naked body, after giving birth to a small tribe! No thank you!

The only cover you should be on, Kate, is "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader", placed right next to the toilet while I take my morning dump.  I took the liberty to even create a sample cover.  It seems fitting.

**Disclaimer: Please remember I am not prejudiced towards women who are not up to Hugh Hefner's standards to be in Playboy or on the cover.  This is simply for entertainment purposes only.**

What...A Whopper

A year after Deputy Edward Bylsma ordered a Whopper he'd come to regret, he is filing suit against Burger King, claiming one of their employees spit a huge loogie into his burger. Bylsma says he is seeking a change in Burger King's hiring and supervision policies, although it's not really known what effect one could have that might prevent minimum-wage-earning fast-food employees from taking out their grievances on a customer's food.

In March 2009 in Vancouver, WA, the officer was in full uniform when he went through the BK drive-thru in his marked K-9 patrol car and ordered a Whopper.  When the employee handed the officer his burger, Deputy Bylsma was suspicious his food had been tampered with. (Duh. A cop ordering food? Of course kids will spit in your food). He said when he "carefully unwrapped the burger and pulled the meat patty off the bottom bun [he] found slimy, clear and white phlegm".

Sounds tasty. 

According to Seattle Weekly, "Gary Herb, the 22-year-old Burger King employee who served Bylsma his Whopper, was convicted of third degree assault and served a short stint in jail. DNA testing later revealed it was he who had hocked the mouth missile".  Apparently, there was another employee involved who was not charged and has Hepatitis.

Since the incident, the deputy only eats homemade food (I wonder if he's married or has children, because the likelihood of getting spit in his food high at his own home if he makes his wife mad, or allows his children to make a sandwich for him).  He also suffers from insomnia and worries about contracting Hepatitis or other food borne diseases.

Are you kidding me?  This guy is a cop. He has one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.  And he's losing sleep over spit in his food, food that he didn't even eat? I would think he'd lose sleep over shooting someone, solving a murder, or having to tell next of kin about a horrific accident...but losing sleep over a loogie in your burger? Seriously?

Apparently he's haunted because he's eaten at this particular Burger King before.  Really? On the off chance someone spit in his food before, surely he would have noticed a thick, white substance on his sandwich that was NOT mayo...

And what's with the DNA testing? This isn't a case for Horatio from CSI: Miami! DNA testing is a bit excessive...I bet if this particular incident didn't involve a police officer and instead involved a run of the mill citizen, DNA testing would have been out of the question. And the kid would not have been convicted of 3rd degree assault...Of course, this is not to say I condone the employee's behavior, because I certainly do not. It is vile, disgusting, and completely inappropriate to do that to someone's food, no matter who it is. 

Lessons learned Mr. Officer:
1. Don't order fast food while in uniform.  Ever heard the one about the cop and the donuts?
2.Take an Ambien and get over it already.  Or volunteer for 3rd shift to cure your insomnia. Or shoot and kill a suspect so you have something to really lose sleep about.
3. Go get tested for Hepatitis so you can move on with your life.
4. There's always McDonald's!

One last thing...even though I'm giving this guy a hard time, I sincerely hope he wins his law suit against this giant corporation who hires employees for minimum wage and expects them to actually care about their jobs. This day in age, work ethic=$$$$. Sad, but true.

Beauty and the Bitch

Things surely do change in six years.  It seems as though Kate G was probably awesome as an ogre back in 2004--humble, modest, full of love for her family and husband...but the prettier (I use that term loosely and only to compare her now to what she used to look like) and more famous she got, the uglier her personality became.
  
She may have looked like an ogre in 2004, but in 2010 her personality is truly the monster.

It's really no wonder why Jon cheated on her. I would have too if I was put down constantly and figuratively castrated on national TV.  Not that I condone cheating, but when your looks change for the better but your personality changes for the worse, you suck at life.

And BTW, you're not a good dancer. Not one bit.

The Anti-Gay States of America

Constance McMillen wants nothing more than to attend her senior prom with her date at Itawamba Agricultural High School in Mississippi...but there is one hang up.

She wants to wear a tuxedo and Constance wants to attend her senior prom with the person she loves.  She doesn't see a problem with it, do you?  If everyone else could bring their significant others, why couldn't she?

The school district thought otherwise.  Instead of having an open mind, last week officials circulated fliers that said students could not bring same sex dates.

Luckily, the ACLU has gotten involved.  When McMillen and a lawyer from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) gave the school district a deadline to rescind the ruling, the school board on Wednesday voted to cancel the prom rather than abide by McMillen’s wish.

I want to know what harm it will do to the school district, teachers, students, and the community if Constance wants to bring a same-sex date.  Really? We're not past this yet?  This is just the thing the South needs to end deep rooted prejudice in that area of the country.  More liberal places like Los Angeles and Miami, students are allowed to bring same sex dates.  Prom should be universal.  To me, it's a school dance where people bring dates, dance, and have a blast.  So because a student is gay, she shouldn't be allowed to participate in something so significant to a high school student as a prom?  What is wrong with The "United" States of America where a school district refuses to allow this?

The school district should crack down more threatening issues like drugs, weapons, hate crimes, bullying, hazing, etc., instead of wasting it's time on prejudice against a gay student.  How many school shooters are gay? How many bullies are gay?  How many gay students are violent?  My guess--very few.  How many straight students are bullies, violent, druggies, and worse? My guess--more than we'd care to imagine.

Being gay is not a crime.  Being prejudiced is.

I wonder how many people in the school district and how many teachers and parents involved in this prejudiced decision have Melissa Etheridge on their iPods and sing along, or how many of them DVR "Ellen" on a regular basis and laugh...or how many of them watch and enjoy "Will and Grace" reruns on TV. If the same people involved in this decision are guilty of the above, then they are hypocrites.

The Christian Science Monitor explained that on Thursday, the ACLU filed a lawsuit in US district court, charging that school officials violated McMillen's free speech rights when they told her they would enforce the district's policy requiring prom dates to be of the opposite sex.

The message this sends to the future generations of this country is instead of allowing a gay couple attend a prom, everyone gets punished by having the school district cancel the prom.  How is it fair for anyone?  Why are people so upset if there is a same-sex couple at the prom? Don't these people think that the two women they see shopping together in the grocery store could be lesbians?  Or a respected male doctor or lawyer has a boyfriend?

Because the school district canceled the prom on account of a same-sex couple, Constance fears for retailiation from her fellow students and is afraid to go back to school.  Students may be angry that they don't get to attend their prom because of her--but the real issue is they aren't allowed to attend the prom because the school district is prejudiced.  It's a shame that someone who stands up for what she believes in is afraid of retaliation and could be a victim of a hate crime.  I think she should be praised and commended for her bravery and willingness to put herself under such scrutiny just to attend a high school prom.

According to CNN.com, "I never thought the school would try to cancel the prom and hurt everyone just to keep me and my girlfriend from going together," McMillen said in an ACLU news release. "A lot of people have made really generous offers to pay for a prom somewhere else, which I really appreciate. But all I've ever wanted was to be able to just go to my own school's prom with my girlfriend."

Also, according to The Christian Science Monitor, when McMillen expressed a desire to wear a tuxedo to the prom, the district superintendent told her only male students were allowed to wear them, according to court documents.  Superintendent Teresa McNeece also told McMillen that she and her girlfriend could be ejected from the prom if other students complained about their presence, according to the documents.

I cannot commend this brave young woman enough for standing up for what she believes in and for who she is. If anyone should be prohibited from going to prom are the prom crashers, or kids who do drugs or are prone to violent behavior.  But no, no one stops them.  As long as they bring an opposite sex date, they're invited right in.  

I am ashamed of my fellow Americans.  This is 2010.  This is the time to start accepting gay people into society because we're not going anywhere.  Just because I choose to live my life with another woman, and love a woman instead of a man, does not make me any less human, any less American, or any less entitled to the same rights as everyone else.  The same for this 18-year old young woman and any other person who chooses a same sex partner.

I have an amazing girlfriend myself.  One day, I hope to marry her because we really have an great life together.  I can't imagine being with anyone else and I'm lucky as hell to have her.  Shouldn't that take priority over the fact that we're a same sex couple?  Shouldn't people who genuinely care about each other and are honest and fair and contribute to the betterment of society be accepted? We're accepted some places, in some states, but for a country that was based on unity, it sure as hell feels more divided than ever.

If the school district had just given this couple a chance to attend the prom and taken a chance to see how other students reacted, maybe they would have learned a thing or two.  Maybe there would have been retaliation or maybe some kids would have reacted with insulting words and actions.  But maybe, just maybe, this is what a conservative Southern school needs--to push for change and expect the best.  If you never try, nothing will ever be accomplished.

So for you Constance, high school prom is a big deal now, but standing up for yourself and your rights will always be a big deal.  It's people like you, especially at your age, who push for change and refuse to give up.  It's people like you who confront the prejudiced and hypocrites in this country and demand a fair chance. 

Constance, I hope after all this hard work, you actually get the opportunity to enjoy your senior prom.  And I hope you look beautiful in your tuxedo.

**McMillen image courtesy of The Christian Science Monitor**

Jazzy Jeans

Who knew a pair of jeans could create a strange, yet intriguing phenomenon?  But what jeans could have such an effect on the world?

Mom Jeans, that's what. And when women (and sometimes men) wear Mom Jeans, it creates a phenomenon called "Mom Butt", which resembles an upside down heart shape in the rear.

"Mom Butt" occurs when women, usually over the age of 35, wear unflattering jeans, such brands as Lee and Rider (basically anything found at KMart).  These jeans are usually short and/or tapered, showing the ankle (cankle in some cases), occasionally come without rear pockets, and sometimes even feature pleats, surrounding the crotch area.  Perhaps the most flattering result of wearing Mom Jeans is the camel toe, a direct result of the high waist of the jeans, which rest barely an inch away from the bra line.

I have my suspicions as to why women choose to wear Mom Jeans.  Comfort, some say.  Style, some also say.  Some women wear Mom Jeans to conceal something they don't want the world to see.  Or some women aren't afraid to rock the "Mom Butt"/camel toe combo.

Whatever the reason may be, it seems as though Mom Jeans aren't limited to the normal folk of America.  Even celebrities occasionally rock the Mom Jeans.  Jessica Simpson, for example, isn't afraid to go on stage with a stylish pair of Mom Jeans.  I don't think her goal was style though, judging by the extra weight she put on, thus confirming one of my suspicions as to why women wear Mom Jeans (concealment). Either that or she loves rocking the camel toe. Although she is not a mother, wearing these jeans has directly resulted in her sporting "Mom Butt".

Designed for women, Mom Jeans have crossed over into the men's section of your local clothing store.  It seems as though Mom Jeans have even moved to a new house.  The White House that is.  Michelle Obama is a very physically fit, stylish lady.  Too bad she can't dress her husband as well as she dresses herself.

President Obama has taken a liking to wearing Mom Jeans, resulting in a new, hybrid phenomenon I like to call "Dad Butt".  This is still a new phenomenon so there hasn't been as much research and scientific data about "Dad Butt", but if it's going to start somewhere, where better than with the President?

Even the writers at SNL discovered the "Mom Butt" phenomenon and created a commercial advertising Mom Jeans. This commercial truly captures the unique and jazzy essence of Mom Jeans.

While I understand some women may not have a choice in wearing Mom Jeans--these jeans could be the only jeans they can afford, or they are just destined to be frumpy.  I just want you women to know that you do have a choice in what jeans you wear.  You can wear stylish jeans without pleats.  You can find comfy jeans without a high waist.  And for those of you women who are actually moms wearing Mom Jeans, I have one last thing to say.

Just because you're a Mom doesn't mean you have to wear Mom Jeans.  But if you choose to, beware you have just given yourself to the cultural phenomenon known as "Mom Butt".

Starving For Attention

I know I've said this before in a previous blog post, so I'll try not to be redundant and change it up.  I always suspected Asians were a bit odd, different, and were addicted to electronics, but this Korean couple definitely took it to a horrifying level.

Meet Kim Yoo-chul, 41, and his partner Choi Mi-sun, 25, a Korean couple from a suburb of Seoul, who recently gave birth to a baby girl...who is now dead (starved to death) because her parents are idiots and are addicted to some stupid MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game). What the acronym should mean: YWNGLIYPTTOG (you will never get laid if you play this type of game!)

This specific MMORPG game is called "Prius online" and it reminds me of the American game, "The Sims", but in this version it's like anime and the point is to...um, well, I'm not exactly sure what the point is.  Here's what the website says about the game and it's purpose:

1. Emotional Exchange System:  Anima may seem to find it hard to express her feelings at first. Let her engage in various emotional experiences with you - you’ll notice her growth and she’ll start to show her feelings to you in return. Make no mistake - your Anima is not a passive unit that simply tags along with you and follow your orders. She is your companion with her own intentions who knows how to express her feelings.

2. Your Companion Anima: You get to meet Anima like you meet your soul mate once you start adjusting yourself to the new world. You and Anima will soon reach that quiescent place where the star tree stands through heart-pounding connection with each other. It is like a fated karma that began to revive from the distant memory of eternity.


3. Emotional Awakening System: You get to meet Anima when she lost her memory and maintains only a vague state of emotions. Nonetheless, she regains her forgotten memories one by one through various experiences you share with her along the journey.


4. Intimate Bonds: The more you sympathize with your Anima, the higher the efficiency becomes for everything she does for you. Higher intimacy allows her to kick off her skills and forces swiftly for you to escape from dangerous moments.

Basically this Korean couple put all their time and effort into raising a virtual child, time and effort that should have been spent raising their real baby!  According to the The Telegraph, this couple only fed their actual 3-month old child in between 12-hour sessions of playing this game at a neighborhood internet cafe, where they were "raising" their avatar baby.  Sounds creepy to me.

The article states: "Leaving their real daughter at their home in a suburb of Seoul to fend for herself, the pair, who were unemployed, spent hours role-playing in the virtual reality game, which allows users to choose a career and friends, granting them offspring as a reward for passing a certain level.  The pair became obsessed with nurturing their virtual daughter, called Anima, but neglected their real daughter, who was not named".

In September, the couple returned home from a 12-hour session to find their real child dead.  The autopsy said the baby died from prolonged malnutrition.  My question is, what is the parents' punishment going to be? I think someone should starve them to death for doing this to an innocent child all in the name of a stupid video game!

This couple found out the hard way what video games can really do to people, families, and relationships.  I know other people and couples who struggle with the issue of spending too much time playing a video game, but I've never heard of anyone actually neglecting their own child for a virtual child.  Maybe neglecting another family member for a few hours while playing a video game, sure, but not to this extent where someone dies because of it.

Chung Jin-won, a police officer in Suwon, the Seoul suburb, gave this statement to a news agency: "The couple seemed to have lost their will to live a normal life, because they didn't have jobs and gave birth to a premature baby".  Um, is that a fact or are you making an assumption because you don't want to believe that people are capable of something this tragic and stupid?

I don't think they lost the will to live; clearly, they could get up and get ready for the internet cafe and had the will to live to take care of their avatar child.  And they didn't have jobs because they spent 12 hours at the internet cafe!  I think that's an excuse to cover their own asses.  But what does this baby being a premature baby have to do with anything?  


I have to admit, I personally enjoy playing video games. I have a PS2, a Nintendo Wii, and a PSP.  But my gameplay is under control. My relationships aren't neglected, nor do I waste an entire day playing a game.  There's more to life than a virtual world.


But for those of you people out there who have the tendency to get obsessed with games, or if you are feeling lonely and need to find a companion, check out the Prius game website and take care of your own anime child.  Just don't neglect your own child or other relationships because of it! No one should die because you were too addicted to a video game.

See also: "Cyber Marriage". Weird how these two blog posts intertwine so well together.

Dancing With The Stars No One Cares About Anymore

There are several shows on TV I literally cannot stand; some of these shows I've even refused to watch because I know I'll hate them immediately and regret wasting precious moments of my life tuned in to these atrocities.

Anything on MTV falls in this category. I've boycotted MTV since 1999 since they stopped playing Music on TV. Change your acronym to RTV (Reality TV). Laguna Beach, The Hills, and Jersey Shore used to be locations in the United States, but somehow they've ended up being popular TV shows. WHY?!?!?!?

There are some reality shows I like watching, although they're not really "reality". I like The Biggest Loser, American Idol, and So You Think You Can Dance, but I think these are more competition shows than "reality" anyway.

But one reality/competition show I literally hate is Dancing With The Stars.  Whose bright idea was it to gather professional dancers and pair them with C-list and D-list so called celebrities and vote on their dancing? WTF??? 

I don't understand the reason this show is on TV.  American Idol--contestants are required to have raw talent and it's an opportunity to showcase themselves as musicians.  Same with SYTYCD--contestants also need to have raw talent.  Biggest Loser--contestants struggle to change their bodies by changing their attitudes, and it's both inspirational and heartwarming.

But what is the purpose of DWTS? I think it's an opportunity for those celebs who are recently caught in scandals to clear their name by learning the Fox Trot and the Samba as a distraction so we forget their douchebag factor and say "hey, maybe they're not so bad...I mean, she really rocked the socks off that contemporary routine".

This past week, ABC released it's celeb lineup.  Get ready for it. When I read it, I knew for sure the world was ending; it's a sign, just like the earthquakes that have been shaking our world lately.

Here are a couple noteworthy celebrities has-beens/cougars who will grace the DWTS stage in 2010:

1. Pamela Anderson: Why is she famous again? Baywatch? Kid Rock? She's so irrelevant, I can't even remember.  What I do know is that she needs to be counted as three contestants because her pair of twins could do the Cha Cha all on their own. 

2. Kate Gosselin: Again...why is she famous? If her skills on the dance floor are as good as her mother/wife skills, viewers are in for a real treat. I wonder if anyone informed Kate that she would have to dance and not just sit on a yellow chair in front of the camera. I'm hoping Pam Anderson will pull a Tonya Harding and take Gosselin out by pulling on her hair extensions and punching her in the babymaker.

3. Shannen Dougherty: Wow.  This former Beverly Hills brat, charming witch, and Made-For-TV film star will surely bring something to the show--drama, STD, or police with a warrant...my guess is a nice combo of each.  She, Pam, and Kate will at least have something in common.

My predictions for this show:
1. Pam's implants will pop during a lift in a routine.
2. Kate's weave will strangle her while she shakes her Mom Butt.
3. Shannen will put a Charmed spell on the judges and take the gold.

I Love You Means Shit To Me

Nothing says "I Love You" like a pile of shit...even better, when it's actually written with piles of shit.

A farmer in Iowa wanted his wife to know he was thinking about her on her birthday, and the best way for him to express himself was with shit.

I've been known to do that back in my glory days, parading around the house as a toddler, but I at least kept it in my diaper..and stopped when I got my big girl panties.

This farmer, Dick Kleis, used 120,000 pounds of manure to basically write out "HAP B DAY LUV U" in the snow to show his affection for his wife.

He said it only took about three hours to write the shitty message, and even said it's not very difficult to do.  His expert advice to those of you wanting to write your beloved a message with shit, particularly in the snow: "Any manure will work but the good, soft, gushy, warm stuff works the best. It kind of melts the snow."

Wouldn't you think a farmer in rural Iowa would have thought to use bales of hay to convey his message or take a lesson from graffiti artists and use spray paint instead of using 60 tons of shit to say "I Love You"?

According to his wife, she says although it's a little weird, she still says he "dung good" when asked if she got the perfect birthday present.  I say he's a dungass.

Dick Kleis wasn't the only person with this shitty idea though.  Another farmer in Minnesota, Bruce Andersland, showed his affection for his wife on Valentine's Day by creating a heart shaped pile of poop...with an arrow through it.

Bruce's wife said it was the largest valentine she had ever received.  No kidding. It's a field covered in heart shaped poop.  Apparently, Bruce had the idea because the square mile, snow covered field seemed fitting for something.

Um, a poop shaped heart was the only thing you could think of to utilize this land? How about farming it? No, I get it...playing with shit is always more fun.

If anyone wrote me a message in shit, piss, blood, semen, or any other bodily fluid, that person would be dead to me.

Frequent Fatty Fliers

Lately, there's been a lot of hubbub about extremely overweight travelers having to purchase two plane tickets in order to fly and accommodate their large size...and they're not happy about it.

If you've ever been on an airplane sitting next to someone who is pushing 350, you know what it's like to contort your body into a pretzel shape in an already crammed seat.  Although I think airline companies lack tact and compassion with this rule, I have to say I agree with it.

I have absolutely nothing against fat people by any means, but when it starts to affect my life, then we're gonna have some words.  I have sat next to large people on planes and although I'm a nugget, that doesn't mean that it's okay for you to share some of my seat.  I stay out of your $300 space, so stay out of mine.

If you want to fly but are so heavy that you bulge out of your seat into someone else's seat, you should have to pay for that extra baggage! That's just the way it is.  As harsh and cruel as it may seem to the overweight person, it's only fair and logical.  No one wants to be stuck in the middle seat as it is, let alone with someone whose arms and belly are practically in your lap the entire flight!

This issue has made headlines again with Kevin Smith, the popular film director whose resume includes films like "Mallrats" and "Clerks".  Smith was kicked off a Southwest flight because of his size, but he claims he had no problem buckling his seatbelt or lowering his armrests, two of the requirements for every passenger.  The airline's policy states, "If a customer cannot comfortably lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, a customer seated adjacent would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement."

According to an article on CNN.com, Smith says "Dude, I know I'm fat...That's not why I was truly thrown off that plane because I fit perfectly in the seat...I am not fat enough to eject off a Southwest flight."  Smith actually suspects he was bumped by an airline employee who did not like his comic films, which include "Zach and Miri Make a Porno," "Clerks" and the upcoming "Cop Out."

First of all Kevin, I highly doubt there is a conspiracy against you or your work, so much so that an airline employee would see you on the flight and say "hmm...I hated 'Jersey Girl' so damn much, how can I seek revenge against Kevin Smith for the 2 hours of my life that was wasted from watching that dumb movie? Oh, I know. He's fat, and it just so happens the airline I work for has this policy...yep, I'm gonna toss his fat ass right off this plane."

Right.

Well, apparently Smith's goal is to force Southwest to change the way they deal with overweight passengers.  I can agree with that. Being fat comes with a stigma, and airlines are among the rest of society's bullies.  But I also agree with Southwest and any other airline who implements this policy.  How is it fair for the fattest person onboard to take up 50% of my seat, a seat I spent hundreds of dollars on? The overweight person should help me incur some of these costs, or just purchase a second seat because they're taking it up anyway?

And if it's such a huge deal (pun intended) for these heavyweights to purchase a second seat, why don't they stop and think to buy a business or a first class seat? We all know those seats are a lot bigger, roomier, and they're usually only two on each side, versus three.

Basically, these heavy passengers who would purchase two economy seats to accommodate their weight could purchase one first class ticket for approximately the same price, be the first to board and exit the plane, and get complimentary beverages and warm towels!

The way I see it, you have 3 options. 
1. Buy the two economy tickets
2. Buy a first class ticket
3. Buy a gym membership instead of that second ticket and the problem will literally solve itself within a year's time...or less if you become a contestant on the Biggest Loser

Facebook Faux Pas

Facebook is one of the best social utilities ever created.  It connects you with family, friends, old flames, and even enemies.  It's a place where you can stalk people, and not get caught.  It's a place where you can keep up with each other's lives without putting in too much effort. But sometimes people use it for the wrong purposes.

Like any other social network, Facebook has it's fair share of faux pas.  Some people cross the line.  We're all guilty of it.  But the biggest faux pas are the people who fit into certain categories and will always be in that category as long as Facebook exists.

Are you in one of these categories?

1. The constant complainer: You log into Facebook.  The first thing you see is your friend complaining about something...yet again.  It's usually the same topic.  "My job sucks"; or "my boyfriend sucks"; or even "school sucks".  Facebook can be a place to vent, but when every status update is just a rewording of the previous ones, it gets old.  I have friends who constantly complain about the same topic, many times a day, and expect different results.  Just because you update your status doesn't mean your life will change. Don't be a Debbie Downer.  Maybe it's time to make a change so you can have an opportunity to STOP COMPLAINING!

2. The compliment seeker.  Did you just get a new haircut? Have an interview for a great job? Get engaged? Great. CALL your friends! Don't simply use Facebook to share your great news so your 429 friends can comment on your status update.  Sure, it's okay to share this news, but after three weeks of hearing about your new engagement, and seeing 3 photo albums of the ring on your finger, shot from different angles, we get the point.  Time to move on. Talk about something else.  There's nothing worse than someone who is so desperate for compliments, it's all you can talk about and think about, to the point that you've stopped caring about anyone else except yourself.

3. The couple who is too much in love and can't stop updating us about it. I'm really happy for you that you found true love.  I really am.  I have too. But, logging onto Facebook every three minutes to proclaim your undying love for someone is not only annoying, it's pathetic.  You already know people are happy for you if you're happy.  That doesn't mean that you constantly need to update your status with things like "i can't believe how happy i am...i love you so much and i can't stop thinking about you...you make me complete...xoxoxoxoxo" or that your status consists of a single heart and a series of ...  I would personally rather see you and the love of your life having sex than constantly reading this Hallmark, ooey gooey bullshit.  I love someone too. She's amazing and I love her with all my heart. But when I want everyone to know we're happy and I know people are happy for us without my having to write sappy love poems every four minutes on my status updates.  We get the point.

4. The people who can't spell and/or have horrible grammar. I know not everyone is a good speller. I happen to be one, but I certainly don't expect other people to be.  But, it's really not that difficult. In fact, Facebook is like Microsoft Word and allows spell check by underlining your misspelled words with a red line, pointing out your mistake.  I especially hate when people misspell words, especially when they're trying to make a point about something important, like a presidential election, politics, social injustice, etc.  How am I supposed to take you seriously when you don't know the difference between "you're/your" and "they're/their/there"? Seriously.  Not that difficult.

5. The people who use Facebook as their primary source of communication. What happened to a simple phone call? An email perhaps? Why is it I can only get ahold of certain people on Facebook? What did we all do before Facebook? I don't get it.  I am a well rounded person as far as communication is concerned.  I talk to many people on the phone; others I get by with emails and texts; but there are those of you I can only get ahold of if I log into a website.  That's just fucked up. I hate it.  Call me instead of writing on my wall, or commenting on my status.  If you really cared, you would pick up the phone or at the very least, send emails more often...especially family and close friends!

6. The kid obsessed people.  Yes, your baby is cute.  Congrats. I'm happy for you.  But do we really need updates that Baby X just had his first solid poop in a week? Or that Baby X just won't latch onto your nipples? Or how about my favorite, Baby X's 3,098 photo albums that are updated week by week? Seriously? Babies are all the same. Your baby is no different.  They all eat, shit, sleep, puke, and then they learn how to walk and talk. I understand as a new parent it's amazing to go through these new experiences, but you're not an innovator.  You're a regular parent. Knock it off.

7. The Facebook fad follower.  How many of you have seen this: "if you love your (insert family member here) and aren't too proud to say it, post this as your status for an hour"? WTF? Of course I love my family and friends...I don't need your generic status message to say what I want to say. It's like people look in their news feed, find these stupid status updates and copy and paste them as a testament of their love? No, you're dumb. Or how about joining groups or becoming a fan of something? Sure, I'm a fan of gay marriage; doesn't mean I have to join a group about it or become a fan of it, especially when I'll NEVER visit the page again! Or how about the recent group "I bet this pickle can get more fans than Nickleback?" Who the fuck starts this shit? How annoying!  Be creative; stop copying other people's shit and facebook fad groups end as quickly as they start and all you're left with is 422 fan/group pages you'll never visit again.

8. The people who quote movies/songs but don't give proper credit.  Someone on my friends list quoted a Matt Nathanson song yesterday, "Come on Get Higher" and there were several comments from people saying "OMG that made me cry! Your woman is so lucky!" and "that's some intense shit" and my favorite "that gave me chills".  Are you fucking kidding me? This guy did not come up with this on his own! He used someone else's amazing lyrics and used them as his own, and has yet to correct people who have commented. His intentions were good--he was quoting a song to show us the current mood he was in--he's in the military and is missing his pregnant wife. I get that. But, I quote songs and movies all the time--yet, I give proper credit when people comment. I say things like "Oh, that's from this song or that movie". For those of us people who are creative, don't NOT give the proper credit. It makes you look stupid if you don't and you should feel guilty for taking the credit. It's called 'fraud'!

9.  The ones who start fights...on purpose. I'm guilty of this one myself, I'm not gonna lie.  Sometimes when I'm pissed off at someone, I'll update my status to say something and without using direct names, they get the gist of it. Like I said, it's okay to vent, but it's not cool to start fights on people's statuses and walls.  I have been known to do it myself and I'm not exempt from this category, but I especially hate the people who start shit and make snide comments, and when I call them out on it, they get all pissed off as if they did nothing wrong! If you have something to say, tell me to my face. Call me up! I do the same for you. And I haven't done this one in a long, long time.

10. The lurkers. Yes, you know who you are.  You want to know what's going on in everyone else's life and have opinions about it, yet won't offer anything yourself? You are online. I know you are. You just commented on my status, yet you're not showing up in the chat box.  You say it's because you don't want to "chat". Okay, then don't. If someone opens a chat window, just close it and ignore it. That's what I do. I respect your "privacy", but if that's really your goal, why are you even on a public social network? How about sticking to private emails if you can't man up and offer information about your life.